Tuesday June 28th 2016
Creativity is my life. It drives me to the edge and then pushed me over. Being creative makes me crazy. One day I’m blissfully happy and think the world is my oyster, the next I’m so depressed I want to die. That’s how it is to be an artist. I wouldn’t want it any differently though. I feel like I’m balancing out a bit more these days. Not all people can live like we do. We’ve had to push through so many painful and difficult times together, but it’s only made us stronger as a duo, and as a couple. Our love is reinforced by our travails. The more anyone tries to push us down, the harder we fight to push ourselves back up, and we always win, because we always keep doing what we love to do. It is a gift and a privilege to be able to be an artist. I always knew that’s what I would do. There were never any other options. I always was a singer and a creative person. Thoth is so incredible to me because he’s still creative and plying his musical and artistic craft at 62 years old. Most people give up by then. I’m going to be creative until I die, too. It’s creativity or nothing at all.
I drew again today! I haven’t drawn in a few years. Drawing is very meditative and calming for me. All my fears leave my head and I can focus exclusively on bringing out emotions and expressions using lines on paper. I had a strange epiphany years ago in regards to drawing. I’m trying to bring the person I’m drawing out of the paper. It’s immensely satisfying when I do. I get better every time I draw, and the skills don’t leave me. If I keep drawing, I’ll keep getting better. Drawing is my second favorite thing to do. I’m so happy I can be creative. I’m the most creative when I feel safe and stable. Creativity completely goes away when I don’t feel safe. I feel very stable now. It’s more important for us to play regularly than travel to new cities. We’re happier when we’re playing.
I am a living, breathing work of art out in the real world bring real art to people. I will always be creative. I will always make beautiful music and art. I love using all different things to make art. Makeup, clothes, hair, acrylic paint, mechanical pencils, paper, my voice, my violin… It’s all used for the same purpose, to be creatively expressive. Everything is done solely by me and Thoth. There’s no prep team, no makeup artists, no hair or clothing designers, no publicity team. It’s just us and our art. It’s raw, it’s organic, it’s acoustic, it’s real, it’s honest. There’s no fakery or falseness in anything that we do. Some like it, some don’t. Who cares. We do.
We were sitting in a restaurant tonight having a really fantastic meal together at a place called Sacramento. We last went there 2 or 3 years ago. I felt a rush of memories and was awash with feelings of gratefulness. We were sitting in that restaurant 6 years ago feeling so successful and happy, and it is like we’re back at that level again. Lisbon is where we first found success together as Tribal Baroque. Of all places, Lisbon is our city. It’s one of the only European countries that allows for street performers to do what they want. Most of the rest are shut down. People think America is so free and open for people to pursue what they want, but it’s not true. Here the police and the security guards all like us and don’t harass us. Anyone with a brain knows we’re good for the areas we choose to prayform in. We’re bringing free, original art that no one has seen before, I mean come on. We’ve been blessed to have found a few places to play in the world. Here in Lisbon, the Angel Tunnel in New York and Balboa Park in San Diego. People appreciate us much more in Lisbon and San Diego, even though we do very well in NY. I don’t think we’ll ever settle down though. I’d go crazy! I love moving around. It’s good for our minds.
Saturday December 27th 2014
I wrote to James last night to see if filming was allowed at his show. He wrote back this morning basically saying it’s out of his hands and would definitely not be allowed. That made me sad. He DID say there has been talk of bringing the show to New York, so that made me feel better. If it’s not allowed, I don’t understand how people make all the Youtube bootlegs of Broadway shows without being caught. James needs a proper video recording of his work. What if when he came to New York, we got together some people to film him in a studio, like Sal? What if I wrote a Phantom play for him that we could film him performing? What if Thoth and I had a show he could be a part of? God, I just want to see him perform! Why does it have to be so hard? I understand that filming and photo taking in performance is distracting. It sometimes drives me crazy when people film us in public then walk away without giving back. In one way it’s good though that anyone can film us. It makes it possible to share our music with others who wouldn’t be able to see us otherwise. One of our biggest fans in the UK has never seen us live. Instead, she and her family watch our videos on Youtube, and they get such joy out of it. The only existing videos of James on Youtube are 7 years old. I would love to give him the gift of a good video of himself performing. His fans future and present would appreciate it too, just as our fans will appreciate our film when it comes out. It’s always good to have high quality footage of what one does in terms of performance. I understand theaters don’t like people who make second rate recordings of their shows. It doesn’t show it in the best light. Most of the videos of us online don’t present us in the best light either, but at least it’s something. I would give anything to have even a really bad recording of James performing. At least it would be something. It will be years and years before he’s well known enough to be on film. I spent the rest of the day drawing James.