Tag Archives: sketch

A Self Portrait: Being Creative is My Life

Tuesday June 28th 2016

Creativity is my life. It drives me to the edge and then pushed me over. Being creative makes me crazy. One day I’m blissfully happy and think the world is my oyster, the next I’m so depressed I want to die. That’s how it is to be an artist. I wouldn’t want it any differently though. I feel like I’m balancing out a bit more these days. Not all people can live like we do. We’ve had to push through so many painful and difficult times together, but it’s only made us stronger as a duo, and as a couple. Our love is reinforced by our travails. The more anyone tries to push us down, the harder we fight to push ourselves back up, and we always win, because we always keep doing what we love to do. It is a gift and a privilege to be able to be an artist. I always knew that’s what I would do. There were never any other options. I always was a singer and a creative person. Thoth is so incredible to me because he’s still creative and plying his musical and artistic craft at 62 years old. Most people give up by then. I’m going to be creative until I die, too. It’s creativity or nothing at all.

I drew again today! I haven’t drawn in a few years. Drawing is very meditative and calming for me. All my fears leave my head and I can focus exclusively on bringing out emotions and expressions using lines on paper. I had a strange epiphany years ago in regards to drawing. I’m trying to bring the person I’m drawing out of the paper. It’s immensely satisfying when I do. I get better every time I draw, and the skills don’t leave me. If I keep drawing, I’ll keep getting better. Drawing is my second favorite thing to do. I’m so happy I can be creative. I’m the most  creative when I feel safe and stable. Creativity completely goes away when I don’t feel safe. I feel very stable now. It’s more important for us to play regularly than travel to new cities. We’re happier when we’re playing.

I am a living, breathing work of art out in the real world bring real art to people. I will always be creative. I will always make beautiful music and art. I love using all different things to make art. Makeup, clothes, hair, acrylic paint, mechanical pencils, paper, my voice, my violin… It’s all used for the same purpose, to be creatively expressive. Everything is done solely by me and Thoth. There’s no prep team, no makeup artists, no hair or clothing designers, no publicity team. It’s just us and our art. It’s raw, it’s organic, it’s acoustic, it’s real, it’s honest. There’s no fakery or falseness in anything that we do. Some like it, some don’t. Who cares. We do.

We were sitting in a restaurant tonight having a really fantastic meal together at a place called Sacramento. We last went there 2 or 3 years ago. I felt a rush of memories and was awash with feelings of gratefulness. We were sitting in that restaurant 6 years ago feeling so successful and happy, and it is like we’re back at that level again. Lisbon is where we first found success together as Tribal Baroque. Of all places, Lisbon is our city. It’s one of the only European countries that allows for street performers to do what they want. Most of the rest are shut down. People think America is so free and open for people to pursue what they want, but it’s not true. Here the police and the security guards all like us and don’t harass us. Anyone with a brain knows we’re good for the areas we choose to prayform in. We’re bringing free, original art that no one has seen before, I mean come on. We’ve been blessed to have found a few places to play in the world. Here in Lisbon, the Angel Tunnel in New York and Balboa Park in San Diego. People appreciate us much more in Lisbon and San Diego, even though we do very well in NY. I don’t think we’ll ever settle down though. I’d go crazy! I love moving around. It’s good for our minds.

Hoping

Wednesday April 23rd 2014
I was hoping to get a message from Paul saying we’d have a place to stay in Edinburgh and an email from Joan saying she’d make my hoop skirt. Neither were there when I checked my email this morning. Why does everything have to take so long? Why can’t it just be done? I checked my messages all day waiting for someone to write back. I got a craving for sweets so I had some raspberries. I desperately want those cranberry granola cookies from Senior Mangos, but they’re still out of stock. I hope they’ll have some before we leave on Tuesday. Jenn and her husband came over at 5. She took my measurements and I gave her my prayformance skirt to sew. They’re going to L.A. tomorrow to get flowers to sew on the dress. I finally got a message from a woman on Etsy who makes hoop skirts. She said it won’t work for her to make it the length I want. I placed my order anyway and asked her to make it 27 inches. She agreed. So, Jenn is making the overlay skirt and the woman from etsy is making the hoop skirt. I hope everything works out and it looks the way I want. Thoth made the most amazing caesar salad for dinner and I made salmon. I got distracted and didn’t eat it though. Instead, I glued my drawing onto a canvas board and started painting it. When I went to scan it, though, it didn’t come out so good. I tried peeling the drawing off the canvas. Not a good idea. I got really upset and tried cutting it off with a straight razor. Another bad idea. “I’ve ruined it!” I said crying. Thoth tried giving me ideas how to fix it. He’ll resize the scan tomorrow and I’ll print it off on some better paper. I’ll never do that again. The past few paintings I’ve done have hit some major snags that have gotten me really upset. When am I going to learn my lesson?!