Monday June 20th 2016
We had a wonderful day off! We went to Sintra and had lunch on the terrace. A woman who’d seen us perform on Sunday night stopped and talked to us. Wow! She LOVED us. I never expect people to recognize us, especially when we’re away from the city we’re currently prayforming in. She said something amazing.
It’s when I’m feeling bad I wish we had a different/better life, but when everything’s great I couldn’t be happier and I feel stupid for wanting more. I have a great f’ing life! It’s never always going to be easy no matter what! Sometimes I say I want us to always have big, appreciative crowds, but if we always had that I’d want something else. Thoth thinks that even if we had a regular indoor show I wouldn’t always be happy. I would have other things that bothered me. I need to be grateful and happy for what I have now, not wishing for more. It’s ridiculous and selfish to do that. I have my adoring husband. I won’t have him forever. I need to enjoy the time we have together. I really need to have a mantra or something to repeat when I get frustrated or sad. I have so much to be grateful for. So many loving and supportive friends who care about us. So many amazing things have happened to us. Our 7th year anniversary is November 17th. Thoth says it’s important because 7 is the number of steps it takes to get through a process. 8 is the octave, a jump into something new he says. He believes strongly in that stuff. Me too.
Tuesday June 21st 2016
We went to Miss Jappa for a delicious lunch together. I love their sushi! We’re going to miss it when we leave. At least we have until the end of July to enjoy it. We lay in the park and talked. I am so grateful for my Bunny. He is so sweet and loving and cute to me. He loves me a lot. I love him a lot. Even though we spend all of our time together we love each other more every day. I was thinking about when I used to be alone in New York and now 7 years later I have my sweet boy with me. I’m so blessed and so lucky. There was no guarantee whatsoever we’d be together as we are no back when I first met him. He was with someone else! So many things happen that tested our relationship in those first few years together. I had to grow up a lot. I still have leftover issues with entitlement and stuff I still deal with. Thoth is so patient and kind to me, even in my worst times. He always treats me with kindness and respect and he will never ever abandon me. He is my rock and I am his.
Wednesday June 22nd 2016
This morning Thoth jumped up to get in bed with me when I woke up. He said he cried watching me sleep. He get up super early (5am) so he has a lot of time to himself, especially here. “Were you thinking about when you won’t be with me anymore?” he shook his head and snuggled. We need to try and not thing about the future. That’s what scares us the most. We need to be grateful we have each other and our health and our work now. F— the future.
The housing situation in New York is looking much better. We now need a place for the first two weeks of September, and the rest of the time we will most likely be staying at a friend’s place while she’s out of town. That’s making me feel much more relaxed. It’s in a great location, too. If anyone has something for those two weeks, hit me up! We’re lucky to have even just a few friends in New York who are trying to help us. I’m always wanting more, more, more. I need to chill and be grateful.