Wednesday October 26th 2016
I got up excited to try a new darker makeup look today, which I did. Thoth said I looked Gothic.
We got to Central Park in the cold and to our surprise the Conservancy was setting up for their big fundraiser (which blocks the back of the Angel Tunnel where we play.) We knew that would negatively affect our week as the break dancers would come do their thing downstairs. Annoying, as always.
Cover Story finished as we got ready and Herman, one of the singers, came over to hug us and say hello. While we stretched he said, “Your eyes are mesmerizing.” It’s nice that someone at the tunnel likes us. Once we began, the Afrobats started up, playing their boom box quietly. I was sure our day was ruined, and I was right! It wasn’t just them, people didn’t clap while we played really at all or gathered– or tip us or anything. It was as if everyone was ignoring us, or worse, they were just deaf and blind to the beauty that was right in front of them.
On these days it’s especially hard because no one points out or even openly recognizes what’s going on. No one says, “Hey I’m sorry no one is clapping for you guys, you’re amazing, and to play while those assholes are doing their stupid show is incredible! They’re hacks. You guys are original and unique, and you don’t give up! Inspiring! Thank you!” No one says that. They don’t even notice, even though it’s happening right in front of them. A woman said something like that to us back in the summer of 2013 when the Afrobats were doing show after show and we weren’t stopping.
Not only didn’t most anyone clap or tip us today, they didn’t even watch us. It was pretty shitty. We’re doing the best we can and no one was even watching us. I know within myself that we’re doing something the world has never seen and when we’re dead everyone will wish they had supported us, the same as they wished they supported all the other great artists of the past. It actually felt amazing to sing full voice over the Afrobats show. We’re not trying to bother them, but we know how much it irritates them to hear us. They really do hate us for some reason. The other day Ravon (one of the two Afrobats) said “Hey homo!” to Thoth as we were passing by into the Angel Tunnel. They have a deep seated fear and disdain for us, and there is no way to talk to them. Maybe if someone else did, but they don’t listen to conflicting opinions. Well, no, they don’t hate us. What am I saying. They don’t even know us. How can they hate two people they don’t know. They hate something in themselves, their inability to be more free and open, and we threaten and frighten their masculine, ghetto street cred or something like that.
We played through it though, and got through it. Glad when it was over. Yuck. Tomorrow it’s supposed to rain, so we can take a day off to recuperate. When we finished, Marcela set up her stuff and her boom box literally right on top of us. So rude. We had to drag all our stuff out of the way it was so loud. People clapped louder for her than they did for us all day. It was too painfully ironic for us. “We’re doing the best we can. Society is the way it is and we can’t change it. It’s just going to get worse. We can only change ourselves. We succeed by doing our work. Fuck everyone else. When we’re dead no one will care we did this work, but it will be great benefit to us karmically, spiritually, emotionally, and in every other way.” I said. It’s true.The thing that’s hard about a first prayformance day being bad is that I was so creative this weekend. I was in my own little world creating this headdress, and then having that lovely lunch with Marianne made me feel that much better. But then to go out in the world and see how little anyone cares what we do creatively is so hurtful. I won’t forget Marianne saying me writing about the bad days is even more inspiring than the good days, because it shows me as very human. I am human. I know everyone has problems and frustrations, but mine are just as important as anyone else’s. I’m so glad I have this blog and the vlog to get things out there.
At home Meli, Amy and the guests from France were hanging out. It felt so homey and sweet. I love coming home to Meli’s place. It’s the best place we’ve ever stayed in NYC. Going home actually cheers me up. I’m going to miss it here so much. I cleaned my face and went to get chicken for our dinner. I watched the people making our food and thought how lucky I am to have my life. Amy was in love with my new wire headdress and wants me to make her one. “You could be a costume designer.” she said. She’s so sweet and enthusiastic. It made my day. She told our other roommate J.P. about it. “She made this headdress that you would see at the Met.” I heard her say. So sweet. We ate our dinner and went upstairs to work until bedtime.
Tuesday October 25th 2016
Again, Thoth was in a bad mood when I got up. Poor baby. Depression sucks a**, doesn’t it? We got dressed up (I wore my new crown) and we went to 81st Street for lunch with Marianne, one of our biggest fans. She was waiting for us when we arrived. We talked and ate and she gave us designer clothes she didn’t want anymore. She’s been reading my blog for three years and watching the vlog since I started it in 2014. She loves our honesty and bravery going out every day and being ourselves. It inspires her. She says the vlog is more interesting than most things and deserves more attention, as well as us. It completely cheered us up. Thoth had gone to lunch feeling sad, and left laughing and smiling, all because of Marianne. I went to 23rd Street to get more things to make another crown at Michaels and went home. I edited the vlog and blog and sewed hair clips into my tiara until 1am. Being creative is my reason to keep going.
Friday September 16th 2016
I’m on a roll with my makeup. I seem to outdo myself each day, somehow! I was inspired by the color wheel today. I am always trying to be as creative as I can be. Tribal Baroque, prayformance and Thoth has given me that. I was always creative, but Tribal Baroque has given me clear purpose; the ability to be creative every day and make a living doing it. It’s a blessing. This is what all little girls look like when they stare at me. This little one turned around like that several times. Isn’t she so cute? Children do what adults want to do, but adults have learned it’s rude to stare. I wonder at what age children learn to be judgmental instead of innocently curious and interested.
She’s not judging me at all by staring. That’s why staring as an adult is a no-no, because staring at someone means they’re passing a judgment on you. I never stare at people. That’s why when we perform people stare so hard. People have an excuse to stare at performers, because that’s what performers are for. Who knew when the Angel Tunnel was being built that two artists in the beginning of the 21st century would be so inspired to be so creative in it. The Angel Tunnel always inspires me to be bigger and more extravagant. It’s the most beautiful venue we play in in the world. Everywhere else we play is much easier to play in, but this space feels regal and sacred. Like a church for creativity and music. It’s a space we have perfectly suited ourselves for, our voices, our music, our costumes. It’s an inspiring space. It was a great prayformance for us. The break dancers came down and tried to do a show during our first two songs, but failed miserably. They couldn’t gather a crowd easily. I don’t take it personally anymore. I just sing for my own joy and do my best. I refuse to compete. That’s all I can do. People cheered after each of our songs, even when the break dancers had a crowd. Our crowd was particularly exuberant. I love that. We sang for 2 hours and sat with a friend to pack up when we finished. We won’t play tomorrow because the chess tournament is at the tunnel. It’s too chaotic and loud to play. We’ll use tomorrow to practice our loops and bleach my roots for our trip on Monday. We’re going to Malaga for 5 days. We went to Santos Anne for dinner in our old neighborhood near Lorimer St.. It was lovely.