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Protected: Worried about the Future while Trying to Live in the Present

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Rainbow Unicorn!

Friday September 16th 2016

I’m on a roll with my makeup. I seem to outdo myself each day, somehow! I was inspired by the color wheel today. I am always trying to be as creative as I can be. Tribal Baroque, prayformance and Thoth has given me that. I was always creative, but Tribal Baroque has given me clear purpose; the ability to be creative every day and make a living doing it. It’s a blessing. 87 This is what all little girls look like when they stare at me. This little one turned around like that several times. Isn’t she so cute? Children do what adults want to do, but adults have learned it’s rude to stare. I wonder at what age children learn to be judgmental instead of innocently curious and interested.

9She’s not judging me at all by staring. That’s why staring as an adult is a no-no, because staring at someone means they’re passing a judgment on you. I never stare at people. That’s why when we perform people stare so hard. People have an excuse to stare at performers, because that’s what performers are for. 10Who knew when the Angel Tunnel was being built that two artists in the beginning of the 21st century would be so inspired to be so creative in it. The Angel Tunnel always inspires me to be bigger and more extravagant. It’s the most beautiful venue we play in in the world. Everywhere else we play is much easier to play in, but this space feels regal and sacred. Like a church for creativity and music. It’s a space we have perfectly suited ourselves for, our voices, our music, our costumes. It’s an inspiring space. 4It was a great prayformance for us. The break dancers came down and tried to do a show during our first two songs, but failed miserably. They couldn’t gather a crowd easily. I don’t take it personally anymore. I just sing for my own joy and do my best. I refuse to compete. That’s all I can do. People cheered after each of our songs, even when the break dancers had a crowd. Our crowd was particularly exuberant. I love that. 5We sang for 2 hours and sat with a friend to pack up when we finished. We won’t play tomorrow because the chess tournament is at the tunnel. It’s too chaotic and loud to play. We’ll use tomorrow to practice our loops and bleach my roots for our trip on Monday. We’re going to Malaga for 5 days. We went to Santos Anne for dinner in our old neighborhood near Lorimer St.. It was lovely.

3I really dug my makeup today. So creative, like a rainbow unicorn!

Amazing Easter Prayformance and Feeling Amazing!!!!!!!

Sunday March 27th 2016

Here’s a look at my makeup designs for the week.

Thursday’s makeup: (Only played two songs, but made a great vlog.)IMG_20160326_152611

Friday’s makeup: (A surprisingly good day with David doing more filming of us for the documentary. I was particularly creatively inspired and improvised a lot.)

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Saturday’s makeup: (A surprisingly amazing Saturday. Got better as the day went on. Big crowds.)IMG_20160326_152511

Sunday’s makeup: (Our big fans and good friends Ellen and John came from Oregon to join us for an amazing wonderful 2 and a half hour Easter prayformance!)


What an amazing Sunny Bunny Hunny Easter Sunday!!! We really went for it today! I even drew a little sketch in the morning! I am a well rounded creative person. 🙂 I draw, do makeup, make my own outfits, sing, play violin, dance and act! I believe any true artist is skilled in many creative fields.

Why do I do such incredibly complicated makeup every day? Because I want to. I used to do it for others, now I do it for me. I don’t have to do complex makeup. It makes no difference in how people interact with us. It’s rare anyone compliments me on my designs. They’re too busy complimenting us on our singing. 🙂IMG_20160326_145438788IMG_20160326_145558678Our prayformance yesterday was great, but today was UH-mazing. We must seem like aliens from another planet! Seriously. People must think we dropped from the fucking sky. Who in the world puts on copious amounts of makeup and costumes and goes out in public and dances, plays violin and sings their fucking lungs out for 2 hours, or longer? On top of that playing completely original music? We played our one hour opera today, and played an hour and a half more of our old music! We improvised, too! When we have big audiences the entire time there’s no telling what we’ll do!IMG_20160326_181613568

The average witness to our work is completely uninformed. There’s tons of info about us online, but the average person watching us doesn’t know who we are, nor do they have a fucking clue what’s going on. On Sunday, an audience member didn’t know which case to put his tip in. He said, “Could I put it in either one, or are you guys separate?” That shows you. Nobody knows. People don’t know we’re married, or that we’ve been doing this work together 7 years (or Thoth alone had been doing it for 20 years), or where our music comes from, or where we’re from, or what we’re doing here, or why we’re doing this, or how it was created, or what they’re supposed to do or… They don’t know if they should clap or cheer or laugh or cry or scream or dance or run away or where they should stand. No. Fucking. Clue. The fact we’re able to do this and not do anything else is a fucking miracle. Yes, I said fuck. FUCK!

IMG_20160326_145504348There’s so much history behind what we do and how it was created. These days we’re getting a lot of that awe-inspired question “How? How did you create this?” It’s as though that question people can see and feel the depth of what we’re doing. If we become successful and famous there will be so much history for people to delve into. When I think of people who are famous, like famous singers, they weren’t doing their creative work as long as we have. I think eventually we will be so incredibly and profoundly good at what we do, the world won’t be able to ignore us anymore. We already are, but the world just isn’t ready for us yet. It will come in time.IMG_20160326_145739605

It’s interesting how depressed I was in January and February. Whenever I’m deeply depressed, something is coming that is always positive and good for us. That never fails. Right before our successful debut in Martha’s Vineyard I was so depressed, both years. When I’m that sad, I feel like nothing will change, that I’ll be sad forever. It’s hard when I’m in a pit remember to remember I can climb out and I will see the sunshine. IMG_20160327_214625836

I need to stop giving myself a hard time. We’re amazing. There’s no one like us in the whole fucking world.

From a fan who saw us on Sunday:

“Thank you for your dedicated art! Both of you are beautiful, powerful, talented and skilled. Such a treat to see you on Easter. Flow, share and bathe in all the massive success you two deserve!”


I am humbled by people’s appreciation of our work, but I also very much know we are deeply worthy of it. Yay!

Vlogs will be posted soon. Here’s one from Saturday, in case you haven’t seen it.

A Fantasy Dream Life Singing and Forever Frolicking Free

Sunday November 15th 2015

IMG_20151115_123755479 IMG_20151115_132531 IMG_20151115_132032 IMG_20151115_132227709 IMG_20151115_132801706 I’m challenging myself to do different makeup and try different improvisatory things every day. There’s no telling who we’ll meet or what will happen!

Today Dan Rubin came to see us at the tunnel. I wasn’t expecting to see him. “You’re makeup is really cool today.” someone said. A man stared at me while I was warming up in the corner. In his eyes were a mixture of fascination, curiosity and amazement. I was singing pretty high and I had on my crazy makeup. _IGP5164 _IGP5174 _IGP5179

Someone else took me by surprise today. My old church choir director Murray Somerville appeared in my view after a song. I was completely flabbergasted to see him. It’s been 10 years! He was the one who gave me the soprano solo in the Allegri Miserere when I was 17. (There’s a recording of it somewhere.) “I’ve heard about what you’re doing, but I had to see it for myself to fully understand. I’m reminded of the Allegri, only two octaves higher.” he said. He stayed for three pieces. “I wish I could stay longer.” he said before leaving for another appointment. He took a picture with us and I gave him a CD of our opera. Wow. He was one of the people who accepted me for who I was when I was young. I used to wear crazy clothes to choir practice and had pink hair when we sang in church. He gave me a good deal of solos, too even though I was only 17. He not only allowed me to dress how I wanted, he was very accepting and nonjudgemental, even though he’s a conservative Oxford grad. I’ve told Thoth about him over the years. It felt like a full circle for me. Pretty amazing. Thank you Murray. _IGP5219_IGP5325

Vlad came again, as did Sarah Kernochan. She waited until we’d finished and packed up then we talked outside the tunnel. Sarah is always on top of things. She’s always there for us, like Dan is. “What you do is beautiful.” she said. Dan walked to the train with us.


Honesty and Artistry

Screen Shot 2015-11-10 at 9.14.52 PMPhoto by armaldo96

One of the biggest compliments I get in person about my blog is, “Thank you for your honesty.”

Honesty is my middle name. I don’t ever make myself into something I’m not. I share my experiences and thoughts openly. When things suck in my life, I write about it. When things are wonderful, I write about it. I don’t pretend things are ok when they’re not. I ask for understanding and compassion, as I give to others. I don’t ever want people to think my life is perfect. It’s not. I believe that’s one of the things that makes the internet so vile. People are fake and ingenuine, only showing the good side of themselves. I feel it’s important to write about all my experiences, not just the good ones. It makes me human.

Screen Shot 2015-11-10 at 9.15.41 PMPhoto by chrisduorig

I share this blog so I might give people a little insight into what it really takes to be an artist. It’s not all roses, but there are times of such joy and bliss that all the hard times are completely worth it. For example, I still have Sunday’s amazing prayformance in my mind. Walking through the park to the subway afterwards. People talking with us. Feeling loved and admired. Feeling immensely satisfied by what we created. Feeling that I am doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. There’s nothing like it. I can’t believe we’re able to live a life like this. I will always share everything within me, even when it’s hard. When I look back on it I can count my blessings. Life doesn’t always go the way you planned, but to know we are doing everything we can to be the best artists we can be is exceedingly gratifying.

Magic is the spell we place in our hearts to convince us we can do the impossible.

Beauty comes from the place you can’t see with your eyes, but you know deep in your heart.

Phantoms inhabit our minds and souls, whispering of wonders and dreams only we can understand…

_DSC2098 copyPhoto by Johnny W. Lam.

I share life’s struggles and joys, life’s magic and miseries honestly and with an open heart. There’s no fakery here, no falseness. I am a genuine, loving person who tries to open magic portals in every day life for people. If others see into those portals and are inspired and moved, then I have accomplished something.