Friday August 31st 2015
People love and admire us more than I will ever know. Why do I doubt that? I have absolutely no idea how many people know and love our music. I don’t know in what ways we have affected people’s lives. Today I heard some music I used to listen to when I was a kid. There are lots of kids who are growing up with our music. I believe that the energy of every person who was ever been touched or affected positively by us will wash over me when I die. I think the reason I don’t know is to teach me to have faith in what I do. If I knew, I wouldn’t have to work so hard, and then I wouldn’t learn or grow and I’d become complacent. I am an inspiration to the world! I hope that I bring people a little closer to that space of joyful, childlike wonder when they see us prayform.
Today I put my hair in pig tales. I love it. Two bunches of fluffy, multicolored pastel hair with little bows.
I love this pastel side of me. It brings out my innocent, lovely, wondrous, frilly, pretty, silly, princess-like, angelic, feminine beauty; all those things that make me Lila’Angelique, the Lilac Angel. I used to be Pink Angel, now I’m Lilac Angel. My makeup is really bringing out my character. It’s so fun to experiment with it every day. Finding new colors. I prayform better when I feel beautiful.
I made a little video of the night which I’ll share with you once I get it uploaded. We played the old set tonight. Again, people sat down and watched us for a long time. I didn’t sweat as much as last night, but I was really theatrical and had a great time singing. I felt so pretty. I do my daily 3 hour makeup marathons just to challenge myself creatively, to see if I can come up with something a little different every day. I’m very pleased when it makes me feel good during prayformance. Part of me dies when I do the same thing twice. 🙂
Oh! Tonight some people who work at a clothing store down the street, came through our huge crowd banging their clothing carts on the ground very aggressively mockingly singing as they walked away. They’ve done that a few times now, but tonight they were clearly pissed off we were doing so well. It’s interesting that even though we’re doing our work and singing our hearts out, we still have people who dislike us. It has nothing to do with us. We’re not doing anything to them and they don’t know us. They’re probably upset that we’re making a living performing while they have to stand behind a counter and sell clothes. That’s why so many people don’t do what their hearts tell them. They’re afraid of people hating them or making fun of them. It happens. Even when your a good person doing something most people love, some people won’t like you. People get jealous when you’re happy and they’re not. The best method to combat it is to continue doing what you love and not let it affect you. The young violinist and his father played across the street for a little when we finished. They are so sweet. They love us. I ran over and gave them a euro and we clapped for them loudly. They ran over and played a really fast Hungarian song for us. We clapped and jangled our bells with them. The boy is only 11 and he plays very well, plus he has a great personality. They can’t speak or language and we can’t speak theirs, but we communicate through music. It’s beautiful.
Saturday July 18th 2015
I wasn’t excited to go out for the 3rd day in a row. I didn’t want to do my makeup. I did of course, and it finally felt worth it. I worked for 2 and 1/2 hours. I would have been kicking myself if I hadn’t, though it was so hard.I talked to my sweet sister before getting ready. She is struggling with many problems. It’s amazing how much older I am than her, and she’s my twin. Poor sis.
There weren’t many people walking on the street when we got to our performance spot, but once we started playing, the sidewalks were blocked 5 bodies deep with people craning to get a glimpse of us. It was the best prayformance since we got here. The Spanish woman, named Teresa sat and watched the entire show for 2 hours. She bobs her head along with the music. I can feel how much she is enjoying us. It makes me feel so happy. I am so grateful. I forgot to bring the phone so I couldn’t take any pictures. It was the best day we’ve had so far with our CDs. We had a humungous rush after about 5 songs. We’ve finally figured out the puzzle. “You can offer whatever you’d like.” I absolutely love when we figure things out. When a night like tonight happens I feel safe and secure and happy for the majority of playing. I feel that our work is done, but we still get to play and have fun!
We went for ravioli at our favorite Italian place in Barrio Alto for dinner. We were both feeling relaxed and happy. We ate yummy food and were taken care of by the sweet waiters. I’m so lucky.
Friday July 17th 2015
I’m confused about acting. I’ve never understood what acting is, let alone being a good one. It’s a mystifying term to me, “acting.” Going to a conservatory for it in NYC didn’t help me any. The teachers gave us too many mixed messages. My sister’s an actor. She’s pretty good, but it’s been ages since I saw her in anything. Last I remember, she has great stage presence. So does another actor friend of mine. The thing that draws me to certain actors is their presence, their bravery and their vulnerability on stage, I don’t know if it’s something that can be taught, and I have no clue how to emulate it. I also have no clue how my acting in the opera comes off to people in prayformance. I can’t see myself so I have no idea what I’m doing.
I Skyped with my sister and asked her advice. “What does your character really want? She may have one desire at the beginning of the opera and different one by the end. That’s your assignment. What does she want?” she said. OK. What does Ee-ay want? Well, at the beginning she’s a lonely, odd outcast fallen to the planet from outer space and I think she wants to be loved. Once she meets Esh and gets pregnant, etc. she wants to protect her baby and carry on herself in some way. I didn’t really think about that. I wrote to my other actor friend for his advice. He gave me some good suggestions. He encouraged me to let my guard down and not get hung up on it. He suggested confidence, thoughtfulness and playfulness will do a lot of good for me. He also reminded me “there is no system” which helped me a lot. I looked up, “What makes a compelling performance” and found this wonderful advice. “All good actors are naked on stage.” You can read it directly by going here. I’m lucky I have acting friends who can help me!
All of these ideas and suggestions were floating through my head when we performed tonight.
I wasn’t inspired at first, but I came up with makeup that felt acceptable. I love painting fantastical designs on my forehead. I imagine Ee-ay is from a different planet, so she kind of looks magically extraterrestrial. I always feel very different before prayformance as opposed to after. Thoth made a very sweet face for me. Ready, set, go!I played around with lots of ideas and expressions tonight. We played the opera, and it was the first time in a week it felt like a real performance. I light up inside when people are watching us. When we finished, I snapped a picture of the audience. I’ve always wanted to do that.
After we had packed up, a man named Pedro stood and talked with us for a while. He was in our audience and couldn’t stop saying how much he enjoyed the performance. He wondered why no one had discovered us and put us in a big theatre. He liked the light shining on us from the floor, but said he wanted more light on us because our expressions are so interesting. He commended us for the intricateness of our costumes and makeup. He loved the interplay of Yin and Yang between us. He said I’m so flowery and poetic and Thoth is so dark and tribal and our intermixing is beautiful. All of this was said from someone who’s first language isn’t English, but it was wonderful to hear him try to explain his feelings. In the past few months, no one has said so many wonderful things about our work. I miss that.
Thoth was so tired at dinner. We ate, got home and he collapsed in bed. Poor baby!