Friday July 4th 2014
I couldn’t fall asleep until at least 4am last night. I don’t know why I always write about how well I sleep and what I eat! Maybe it’s just for my own self interest. I was worried Thoth was still upset with me for keeping him up last night, but he wasn’t. He talks to me in a special voice, kind of babyish, when he’s being cute. He came over to cuddle me as usual. “I had a dream I was yelling at you. I’ve never had a dream like that before.” he said. I got up and made us a smoothie. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.” he said. “That’s sweet of you to say, Bunny.” I said. Thoth got some good news about the Fringe. They’re not going to charge buskers to pitch on the Royal Mile. They usually charge 30 pounds, but this year it’s different for some reason. That’s a good sign.
I read some of Swanton’s blogs before getting ready to prayform. He’s so much like me in a certain way. It’s interesting. We both love grotesque characters. I could never play characters like that because I’m a girl and I’m quite small and have a high pitched voice, but James is perfectly suited for them. He’d be a perfect Erik, (if a good play was written about him and there was no singing involved.) I have a mind to write that for him. I have no idea how much time that would take, but James has already written 3 one man plays. James and Thoth are the only people I love watching perform. They both share a compelling intensity that’s hard to take your eyes off of.
James just announced his one man play Sykes and Nancy is going to be brought to the West End this winter. It’s going to be hard for me not to buy a plane ticket and go see him again! That could use up all my money pretty fast! I wish someone could fly me there as a Christmas present. That would be the best Christmas gift ever! I would give anything to see it. It’s gotten some amazing reviews, (as all his shows have.) It’s interesting to think people obsess over our performances like I do over James’. Obsessing on someone is so much fun. It gives such a thrill. I couldn’t help thinking about him all day today. What if I could write a Phantom play and have us do it together someday? The thing that makes me obsess over him even more is that I’m so far away from him. He’s not accessible. I don’t know if I’ll ever know what he thinks about me. He’s never given any indication he finds me bothersome. He’s actually said he loves me. (Not in that way, silly!) When I was editing the video of meeting him, I noticed how genuinely happy and surprised he was I had come. I have no doubt he’ll have a lot more people adoring him as he gets more well known for his acting. It’s not a crush or romantic obsession anymore (though I do love him,) but it’s an unrelenting fascination and desire to be close with him, to be friends. His friends who live in the UK are so lucky they can just hop on the train and see him in a play. It would cost me thousands of dollars to go to London this winter and see him. The reason I like his so much is he’s so elusive and mysterious, he’s like a modern day Phantom to me. He’s very solitary and stoic, yet extremely passionate and expressive. Underneath his reserved demeanor, there’s a sensitive man in need of love and acceptance. I wish we could talk more. He said he’ll do his best to come to Edinburgh this August and see me during the Fringe.
We’re going to Amsterdam in 2 weeks and Rio a week after that! Our plane tickets to Rio have been bought, we’re just waiting for the travel agent to send e-tickets. I’m terribly excited. Amsterdam is such a beautiful, exciting city. We’ll have pancakes and sandwiches and prayform and see our friends. Rio will be lovely, too. No worries.
I want to say that things are so much better then when we first got to Edinburgh. I was in such a deep, dark depression. I didn’t think we’d survive here. Now look at us, we’re done with all our rent and the next two months we can just play and have a good time. So far, this has been a much more successful trip then last year’s trip to New York. Though we did manage (somehow) to pay our inexcusably high rent and feed ourselves, we didn’t meet anyone and nothing really changed. This trip has felt like we’re conquering something we didn’t think we could conquer. I feel like we failed in New York. I wish it was different, but sadly New York is just a place to survive, not to thrive. Things could be great if they kicked out the break dancers and we had a place to live and no one bothered us. We do the best we can with what is given to us.
I was quite excited to prayform. I even put my hair in pigtails, but it was raining when we walked outside. “I don’t want to go out,” Thoth said. We walked to St. Giles. There was no one there accept the Yoda statue. He waved to us. We were hesitant to set up. The rain would damage our instruments. I sat reading “1984” while we waited to play. Laurence came out of the church door exit. “Are you going to play today?” he asked. “No. It’s too rainy.” Thoth said. “How ’bout you come inside and maybe wait it out. See what happens. Come in.” Laurence said opening the door. We picked up our stuff and went inside the church. “This is where I listen to you.” Laurence said. We snooped around the cathedral, trying to walk quietly with bell laden feet. We went back outside. “It’s stopped raining.” Thoth said. We walked back to our spot. Thoth shook his head up and down. We set up quickly and a crowd gathered around us. People can always tell we’re about to perform. We played one song and it started raining again. I had to rub the water off my violin when we finished. “I want to play another one.” I said. The crowd stayed and watched. They loved it. “Ok, we’re done.” I whispered to Thoth when we finished. It was raining heavier. We thanked everyone for staying and packed up. “I feel satisfied.” I said. “I do, too.” Thoth said. We walked to the grocery store. I was exhausted for some reason. We made leftover chicken at home. I read more of Swanton’s blogs and commented on them. I like this one about playing Hunchback, this one about playing Friar Laurence and this one about reviewers. I wrote my blog the rest of the evening.
I want to live here. I like it overseas so much better then in the United States. It’s easier to get around and people are so much more accepting and cultured. Our music is meant for Europe/UK. I love the accents and the food here. People in the USA mostly just gawk at us through their camera lenses. People here really appreciate us. Don’t get me wrong, there are some people in the USA that we miss and who love us, but I always felt I was meant to be here. At least I can travel wherever and whenever I want to now.