Friday January 20th 2017
It’s hard to make art in a society that belittles living artists, praises dead ones and encourages people who profit off the misery of others.
I am reeling from yesterday. God save us.
How does art even exist in a world like this? Now that an orange clown is our president, It will just get harder. How do we keep going? Why do we keep going? We must keep making art. We must find a way. Creativity is the most important thing in this world. Art and music and creation and imagination move society forward. Artists, despite how almost all of them are treated in life, are the most precious things our world has. Why must we only figure that out when they’re gone? Why must we raise up those who act in despicable way and push down those who give love and beauty to the world. Why must the unjust rule and the just suffer? Why have all the great musicians, artist, singers, comedians, actors and good people suffered so terribly in life? Why? Because our society is backwards. We raise up those who bring us down and and push down those who raise us up. Great art raises our consciousness. Great art raises our hearts and spirits. Art, music and creation is universal.
If aliens landed on earth tomorrow and heard a beautiful piece of music or saw a beautiful piece of art, they would understand it. Art is translatable. They wouldn’t understand baseball or tennis or basketball… or politics. The universe is vibrating with music. Music of the spheres is a real thing. Politics of the spheres? Um, no. Not really. The world needs a big switch, a big change. Something disastrous (like this orange clown holding power over America) could possible be the key to changing people’s hearts and minds about what is truly important. I can’t believe we must be destroyed before it can see the error of it’s ways. People say the Holocaust will never happen again, but did 6 million Jews have to die in order for that to be the case? Does the worse have to happen in order for us to say “Never Again”? How about “Not even in the first place”?
I was FEELING it today my friends. Really feeling it. Distracted by the dreaded inauguration of he-who-must-not-be-named, I was having trouble staying focused and being as creative as I wanted to be. I am sicked, scared and sad at the state of affairs in the world and terrified of what is to come. Scott Levkoff, a fellow artist and creative weird crazy person, made a video thanking artists like us for being such “brave, courageous souls”. It feels good to be seen for the work we’re doing. Just what I needed on this dark day. I want to make an impact, but I felt utterly helpless today. Today something horrible happened I could do absolutely nothing about. I wanted to scream, to fight back, to let my voice be heard. I wish we could have prayformed today, but the torrential downpour kept us away from the park, and me away from the protest. The sky was crying, as my heart was. Walking with the protesters the night of the election results in NYC was so liberating for me. I got the anger our of my heart. “NOT MY PRESIDENT!” felt so liberating to cry out in the middle of the street with hundreds of other people. Someone who was walking in front of me even recognized me. Amazing. I feel so deeply connected to those against the evil clown.
I won’t say his name. That gives him energy. I think the best would be for us to collectively turn our back on him, to ignore him completely. That’s why he won. We paid attention to him. We gave this horrible person exactly what he wanted. I make art for my life. I don’t give energy to evil, soul sucking DICK-tators. I must prayform away this sadness and hopelessness. We must come together to share goodness and love and hope with each other in these dark, dark times. We must believe that love, art, creativity, goodness and compassion with win over hate, greed, selfishness, ego in the end. It must, if our society and our humanity is to move forward. Don’t give up. Keep spreading your light. Listen to good music, tell people you love them, sing and dance in the streets, don’t watch TV, do good works, make good art, spend time with good people, stay focused, stay hopeful, feel deeply. Resist. Love. Laugh, Cry. Be. Hold onto what you believe in and never, never give up.
Tuesday December 13th 2016
Got up too early today (a little after 7am). I’d gone to bed after midnight! When I see light these days I have to get up. No excuses. I ended up in my upstairs bedroom doing Morning Pages (three pages of whatever comes to mind.) It was nice, though difficult. Writing in longhand as I do is tiring on my hands. I hold the pen as close to the nib as I can so I can write as beautifully as I can. I started reading The Artist’s Way yesterday. I’d always wanted to read it, but this time seems perfect for reading. I have so many other books I want to read while I’m here.
Mom lay down in my room at 11am to let the cleaning lady clean her room while I cleaned out my closet of the dresses I didn’t want. Later she would take us grocery shopping. At noon, Thoth and I had our breakfast, even though Mom had offered to take us to lunch. It’s so nice to feel like I’ve done so much before noon. I’m liking the morning, even though I was more tired today. After our light breakfast, I sat in bed for a little with Thoth reading until Mom called us. We all three of us went to the grocery store. Mother is so generous. We can get whatever we need.
In the afternoon I perked up. I made a vlog sharing some favorite music and enjoying myself in my bedroom. In the evening I went downstairs for Caesar salad and chicken dinner. Mom had already made the salad and Thoth cut the chicken. I’m being treated like a little princess. Thoth always treats me like a princess, but I pull my weight. I clean the dishes! Went back up to my room where I am now continuing to vlog and music listen until bedtime. SO LOVELY.
Monday December 12th 2016
Today I got up early and spent time in my room before mom got up and took us to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast. We passed my Elementary school, Scales Elementary. Every time I see that playground, I can’t help but remember the torture I was put through by the kids. I HATED that school. A girl named Alex slapped my sister at middle school gym class and threatened to shoot her. I’ll never forget it. The girl got suspended for a few days as punishment. I got punched in the stomach by a boy named Cameron for laughing at a joke he said. We were called “The Humping Harkins.” Nice. The kids called us lesbians because my sister and I were so close. We hugged and kissed and snuggled a lot. Those f**king kids. One time a girl name Karen, who was “friends” with my sister in middle school, stopped talking to her. Sis confronted her on the playground and Karen said people had said we are lesbians and she can’t be friends with her anymore. It devastated her. It was impossible for us to make friends. Our only “friend” Anna became friends with our bully Alex. That was devastating too. Fun. Thank God I got out of there alive and in one piece.
We had a lovely lunch together. I hadn’t had Cracker Barrel pancakes in 6 years. Mom then took us to Costco where we could get whatever we needed. We got tons of frozen fruit, seed and nuts for smoothies. We’re so spoiled! While we were in the store, I had a strange realization. I’m from Nashville. Most of my memories from childhood are from Nashville. I only remember NYC from our many trips there. I was born in NYC, but I was raised in Nashville. Nashville is my home. I’ve denied that for years. I’ve been ashamed of it. I felt like because what we do is so unique, saying I’m from Nashville would take the mystery away. The truth is, a lot of great artists come from small towns. It’s not where your from that counts, it’s what you do with your life that matters. I should be proud of my roots.
Sunday December 11th 2016
Mom went out to a party at 2pm and wasn’t back until nighttime. We had the house to ourselves. I realized today we have more time here than I thought. It made me feel more relaxed. We still have a month left. It’s so calm and relaxing here. No need to feel guilty about anything. We are safe and snug and secure here. Nothing to worry about, unlike everywhere else in the world. It is so hard not to worry, especially as artists. We especially never know what is going to happen. None of us know, but the artist is much more clear about that fact. People in other professions like to pretend they have their shit together, like retirement, health insurance, a cozy little house live in. We have none of that. Just each other, our art, and what we’ve saved through that. Being here is so different from our usual life. My bedroom I can go into whenever I want and be alone, all the music I have to listen to, the heater in my room, any food I want to eat, movies to watch, the heater in my room I can turn on whenever I need to, the car to borrow, all the books on my shelf to read, Thoth and Mother’s gentle love and generosity… I can go on. All thanks to my dear Mother. No reason to be bored. I have so much to do. Every day I get up early so I can do as much as I can before the day is done. There isn’t enough time!
After spending the day in my room acting (loudly), writing in my journal and music listening, I went downstairs and watched bits of Andrew Reiu in concert. I used to love that DVD. I didn’t like it so much anymore. It’s an orchestra in pretty dresses playing your typical, classical tunes everybody knows. That’s why he’s successful, not because he plays original music. That takes much more work than playing dead people’s music, though I have respect those who choose that path of course. I used to think there was no other path than singing things people had sung before. I was in love with opera. All the CDs I have up here in my room are operas, classical music, musicals and CDs from my dad and mom. I was headed the direction of being a singer of dead people’s music up until I was 20, and learning all that music did give me a lot of skills, but I completely went off into left field when I met Thoth. I’m glad I did.
Mom and I had a good talk that evening before finishing a movie, “The Pianist”.
Sunday November 13th 2016
Today I did dark makeup. Sis came with us to the park and stayed all day. I was glad. It’s nice to have her with us. Dan Rubin came to see us. Cover Story got to meet my sister. We start a half hour later on Sundays, which is great now because we get more darkness time. Less than halfway through our set it was already dark. A few people today said it was the most beautiful thing they’d ever seen. One person at the end wondered aloud why our skills and talents haven’t been acknowledged yet. They have, but not it the way she’s thinking. It will happen someday. I believe it. Sis sat nearby and watched the first half, then left for a bit and came back at the end. We had our light on and a big crowd gathered around us. Everyone was seated in front of the case. It was like having a campfire. I knew everyone that was watching knew they were experiencing something very special. We were these two mysterious, ghost-like creatures singing in this beautiful tunnel in the middle of Central Park. Everyone who went away from tonight had some kind of profound experience. They didn’t even know what hit them.
Saturday November 12th 2016
I did pink eye shadow and lips today. No need to be complicated if I don’t want to. Sis went with us to the park, but she didn’t stay all day. I had hoped she would and I missed her. A woman said our music was “the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.” Amazing. When people say that I know we are bound to be famous the world over. The highlight of the day was seeing my old college friend Reggie. He won the Met National Council Auditions last years I think. He’s one of the best singers I know personally. It was amazing to see him in person after EIGHT YEARS! He took care of me that year I was in school studying voice. He won the competition I was in before I went to school at University of Kentucky. He got me through some tough times and was my best friend. He said he heard my voice from above the tunnel and he knew it was me. “I heard the high notes.” he said. When it was 2 minutes to 5pm, Marcia started up her boom box without asking if we were finished. It annoyed both of us. We saw our friend David on the walk to the subway. He walked with us and we talked. “Pray for your enemies.” he said. Sis was at home. We got dinner and rested in our room.
Tuesday November 17th 2015
We had a wonderful 6th year anniversary! I got all dressed up for our special dinner at Gotham Bar and Grill. Thanks for Mike R. for this treat. The restaurant was beautiful. A woman in the restroom, who was clearly drunk said, “You should come to my table and say ‘We need to perform together again soon!’ and then just walk away.” I didn’t. 🙂
We were seated at a cozy little corner table right next to the bar away from all the noise. “Thoth.” said the bartender. “He recognized me from modeling in SF.” Thoth said after talking with him. “That’s a long time ago.” I said.
We ordered our drinks. “I have the prettiest guests in the restaurant!” our waitress said. She was wonderful. She made me a special non alcoholic fruity drink. “You’re so beautiful!” a woman sitting next to me said.
Thoth had a martini. We both ordered three courses; two appetizers and a main dish. Everything was beyond delicious.
Tuna tartar for me.
then squash soup…UH-MAZING.
Then lobster and short ribs. Just the most amazing thing. I didn’t know food could be so good!
Our waitress even gave us an EXTRA dessert. “Because you made my night.” she said.
Thoth and I are just like good food. We may look extremely unusual, but we’re extremely kind, fun and good spirited people. We taste as good as we look. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Thoth was tipsy and we were both so very tired while going home. What a lovely night!
Thank you Mike!!