Sunday February 26th 2017
I slept better tonight. Still not as perfect as I’d like, but better than last night. I was glad. my hubbykins, the little THOTH-ie poo, got in bed with me and the Babes sang me their traditional happy birthday chorus. It’s one of the cutest things in the whole world. No one has ever seen it before. All the babes have different voices, and we have three new Babes from our travels this year. Lambie (a black sheep to replace the one I lost 8 years ago from mommie), Dancie (a small pink mouse we found on the street in Lisbon) and Bitie (an odd little pink bunny we got from a fan in Lisbon). We have nine Babes now. Unkie, the monkey, Bunny, the bunny (I bought her for 75 cents at a store in Amsterdam in 2010), Ellie, the Elephant, Bibi, the teddy bear, Cheekie (a little pink bunny my sister gave me) and Fluffy (a tiny sheep I stole from Nana’s piano in Oakland). I got the song on film, as you can see. He does it every year. The Babes don’t talk other than once a year for my birthday.
I was in contact with the people who were coming to the party tonight on Facebook. Surprisingly, Forrest sent a video of himself driving through the desert. I assumed he was going out to the desert, but he wrote saying he was driving like hell to get to us. He said he’d make the party. I thought he wasn’t going to come, so I was very happy. We haven’t seen him enough. I went into the bathroom a bit late to start on my makeup. I wanted to do something bright and cheerful for my birthday prayformance in Balboa Park. Here’s what I came up with… I really liked it…
I tried to paint the sky on my face with a bunch of alien language on it. Tori said it looked like clouds. I always wonder if someone will ask me what my makeup looks mean. I don’t think anyone has yet. I think the language on my face says “I love you. Happy birthday to me.”I did pink on my forehead and eyelids, then blue under my eyes and purple mixed into my cheekbones. I used white to draw strange decorations over top, added jewels on my forehead and glitter all around. I got started a bit late so I had to rush to finish it. Sometimes that inspiration just hits me and I have to follow it. I’m glad I do. I f**king love my handmade crown.
I love being creative with my makeup. I’ve only done one (very complex) drawing this week. Makeup is another form of art. I can just carry it around on my face. My sister later said I’m a a work of art. I think so too. I love that I now can use any colors I want, dark or light or a mixture of both for makeup. So whatever I’m feeling I can express in my makeup. Simple or complex. This look is so different from yesterday’s look. It’s inspirational to have so many colors and so many things I can do. Never ending possibilities. It was pretty dark and gloomy for the prayformance. I got a little sad, missing my sister. It doesn’t feel like a complete birthday when my twin sister isn’t there. Hopefully next year when we turn 30. God, that’s weird to say. No one was there when we started, but after a little Bill and Tori arrived. I was so grateful to see them and thanked them for being there. Our fans always say, “Thank you for being here.” Both were coming to our birthday dinner tonight. 🙂 The prayformance got better as we kept playing. What really cheered me up was playing an amazing solo and holding a new ostinato. I was very proud of myself. Beyond proud of myself actually. It took eight years of work to be able to improvise and hold ostinatos by myself. It will only get better.
To our surprise, Forrest arrived after Thoth’s solo. I was so happy to see him. Tori, Bill, Forrest and Chet watched us. The sun shone on us for a bit. It was beautiful. We played a beautiful improv together. I love my husband and our friends. They love us. I love San Diego. We have 2 months left here. Leaving May 1st for SF, then we fly to Lisbon on May 16th. (I bought our Europe flights last week btw.)
Forrest took us, our bikes and Bill back home to drop our stuff off. Bill got to see the apartment and he was amazed. He watched the vlogs and reads the blog as a religious rite, so it must have been interesting to see our work space with his own eyes. Forrest arrived and I brought him upstairs. Two of our biggest fans and friends in the same room!! Amazing. We walked to the Turkish place and met Tori, her boyfriend Michael, their friend Mariah, her boyfriend and Pascual. We ate our faces out and the food was delicious. It’s always wonderful to have dinner with our friends here. We walked back to the apartment. Forrest took Bill home and we showed everyone else the apartment before they left. What a lovely bith-day.
Thank you dear friends for all your generous love and support. We love you guys very much. I am so grateful for the people in our life who love us and support what we do by coming to see us.
11 January 2017 We had such a wonderful first day home! I feel safe, loved, blessed and blissful. Our friends are helping us so much. We have friends here. Amazing friends. We’re living in an amazing place. Perfect location. It was misty and rainy all day. It’s so green here. I forgot.
Something I learned today is how seen we are by people. Alone, we are not. We are not an island. We affect a lot of people, more people then we can know. We make a positive impact on the world every single day, just by existing and being together, just by being ourselves. Two people recognized us at Sprouts. That happens all the time. I don’t know how we seem to other people. I only know how I feel. We were just walking around the store and a woman stopped and said, “You are beautiful. There is hope for the world.” We weren’t doing anything. Just shopping in our everyday outfits. See? I just don’t know how others percieve us. I can imagine how they might, but sometimes I feel invisible. Like what I do makes no impression, but it does. How I dress, how I act, what I say, what I do, makes an impact on everyone around me, especially through our prayformances, but even just by being ourselves. It’s not the makeup, the costumes, the show, that makes those closest to us love us. It’s us. I am the only me, and I can and do make an impact on the universe simply by existing.
I can not wait to prayform this weekend. I’m really excited to go out on our bikes when the rain clears. Who knows if we’ll go out to play tomorrow. I’m so tired. The bed here is so comfortable. What an amazing place to be living, and what an incredible location! We have everything we need to have a brilliant time here, and a beautiful place to prayform. It really couldn’t be better then this.
11 January 2017
We’re in Downtown San Diego now. I’m in shock at how nice it is here. We’re staying at our friend Dave’s creative loft right, which is right in front of the trolley. We’ve know Dave since we first played in Balboa Park in February 2010. He was the first to “discover” us in Balboa Park and started our connection with Art Lab and Jim (both which ended up not panning out well in the end.)
We went and did all our errands already (it’s 4pm), and Thoth is out returning the rental car. We got Thai food take out at our favorite place, Sab E Lee, before our friend Tasha came to drop off our bikes and things. She and our friend Forrest saved us last April when we left Jim’s house and he told us we had to remove all our stuff. They took everything and put it in storage for us. I don’t know what we would have done if we didn’t have friends. That’s why I love San Diego. We have so many close friends here. Now I feel safe and loved and supported. I’m so glad we have a completely new place to live. We’ve been coming to San Diego every winter for 7 years and I don’t know the downtown area, so it’s like something old feels new. We lived with Jim every year. Low and behold, we saw Todd at Sprouts while shopping. He was the owner of the property Jim lived in and was always wonderful to us. We’ll miss him. He’s married now. We’ll have dinner with them soon.
I feel so blessed. Dave is helpful and supportive and giving and flexible. He always was, but for 7 years, he was in the background of our lives here in San Diego. For all those years, we never had anywhere else to stay but at Jim’s house. It feels like a resurgence for us, a reawakening. We thought we would never have anywhere else to live here. Dave is so generous to open his loft to us. He’s helping us more then he knows. We don’t have to bike 4 and 1/2 miles every day there and back to get to the park anymore. The park is a half hour’s walk from here. A 2 mile bike ride. Last year I was completely over the long, tiring bike ride. At Jim’s house we were trap. I am grateful for what we had, but this is so much better. Everything feels so much easier. It is easier! Dave even said we could use his car when he isn’t using it!
I can’t wait to play in Balboa Park this weekend. I can’t wait to go out to eat out around here. To have friends over, to do a house concert, to work and create and be comfortable. I had such a good sleep last night. Finally. After two days of very little. We have to be in a place we can play in order to be happy. Whenever we are here, I am always seduced into imagining us staying here, especially this year. At Jim’s house we felt trapped, here we are free.
9 January 2017 I have always embraced being a woman. I love having a woman’s body; being hairless, having a high singing voice, etc. I have no issues with being a girl. Optimally, I’d love for my breasts to be smaller, but I’ll let that pass. That all being said, I’d love to have a cock. It’s always fascinated me. I have penis envy. It is so much more exposed and vulnerable then a pussy is. When you get turned on as a girl, no one knows. If you’re a boy, well… I want to know what that feels like. I think what I am is a gay cross dressing boy in a girl’s body. I like to think of myself as some dark, mysterious boy instead of a bright, pretty girl. That’s what I feel like inside.