Tag Archives: life of a performer

Protected: A SHOW, a Place to STAY and HOPE Again in SAN DIEGO!

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Thought and Feelings of a Living, Working, Struggling Musician, Artist and Performer

Saturday February 18th 2017

Hi friends! I’m sorry I’m getting so behind on the blogs these days. Sometimes, like now, I become hyper focused on drawing and writing and have zero interest in blogging. I know there are a few dedicated readers who miss it when I don’t write consistently. I’m sorry. It’s hard to keep it up just for a few people, though that should be motivation enough because I know those few people love and care about us very much. It’s sometimes just hard to keep everything going when I think too much about how insignificant it is. My talents are numerous and I have a skill set that many people would die to have (I didn’t say that, a friend did), but being talented doesn’t make it any easier sometimes. Being talented makes life harder I think. When you’re talented, your able to see the way things are more clearly than others. I talked to our friend Bill about it tonight after prayformance. What is the point of it all, when neither Thoth or I have anything to show for what we’ve done? He said it’s not about the result, it’s about doing it. Thoth said the exact same thing last night. Creation is the process of the soul. Bill said something else significant too. He said maybe we look down from somewhere before we’re born and say, “That would be the best life for me to increase my spirit. A life of making art every single day and getting no physical rewards for it, possibly for my entire life. That would make me a better person and a purer soul.” The challenge to create not for gain but for increasing  something completely invisible, personal spiritual power. Thoth said something similar last night. Making art isn’t about the result, it’s about increasing ones self. The goal is not the  end result, the goal is the process. The goal is doing the work. The trick is turning away from a world that looks for physical rewards as being the only reason to work hard on anything and doing it simply to increase the self. Harder than it seems! To create simply to create, just as nature does. We are so like nature.

Oh man, today was tough. This whole week has been tough. It was supposed to downpour yesterday when we were supposed to play, so we didn’t go out. That left us with three days off and only one day this week of playing. Ugh. Tuesday’s play was magical, but those damn park rangers! We’re scared to play now and there is nothing we do will change that. Nothing anyone else can do about it either. We have no legitimacy at the park or anywhere we play for that matter, yet we’re doing something people love that is unique in all the world. We’re these illegitimate street performers wandering around the world pushing our way into places we’re not really allowed to play, but really we’re uniquely talented, underrated artists who just need a opportunity to shine. The best thing anyone can do is to come see us prayform all the time, like Tori and Pascual and Bill do, and as they did today. Of course on the day we decided to go out to play, today, it was raining as we got on our bikes and it poured as we biked up the hill to the park. Thoth was in a really bad mood on our days off, so it made him feel worse. “What the f**k are we doing?” I thought to myself. Thoth was thinking the same, no doubt. The hallways were crowded with homeless people. We had to wait and I had to ask them to move. They ended up listening to us play.

I am so f**king tired of playing scared. Having our friends there makes all the difference. We will always be scared and we’ll always have to battle that fear every day. Sometimes it’s worse than other times. Every day we face the fear anew. Each day it’s, “Will we get harassed by the park rangers today or not?” We shouldn’t have to be afraid. When that park ranger bothered us the first time, he ruined our peace of mind. We have to be strong and try to not let it affect it, but it threatens our whole lifestyle here in San Diego. This is our winter home and if we can’t play in the park anymore, we can’t be in San Diego. Getting through this season without another incident wouldn’t change anything, because next January we’ll have to face it all over again. Why do we have to be afraid to play our beautiful music in a public space? We should feel loved and protected and cared for. Our fans and friends do that for us. The park rangers do nothing but scare and intimidate and harass us. I don’t even think they can do anything to us other than that. F**k.

Today was one of those prayformance we really had to push through. It was one of those prayformance I just wanted to sit down and cry. I know you my friends only wish the best for us and believe we will find success, but I have no illusions, or delusions, about it. I look at Thoth who is 62 and no better off than me. A man of great knowledge and skill and talent who may never see any rewards for his work, other than that he manages somehow to do it until his death, and that he has me. I know any of you who are reading would do something if you could. Sometimes I believe success will come. One could say we have found success by simply by finding a way to live a creative life, but I’m imagining something more significant. Even after having played for an hour, we still didn’t feel better. The rain and the lack of donations didn’t help my mood either. January and February are notoriously rough, and it’s hard not to let it affect our moods. It will be this way always. At least we get to play. In NYC or pretty much anywhere else we wouldn’t be able to play at all during these months. We just have to weather it and push through. That’s all we can do. Sometimes it feels like everything is hanging on by the smallest thread, and no one can help us. It could so easily fall apart, but so could anyone’s life. Bill said something else interesting. No one is safer than us. We just live that truth honestly. We are not safe. We have no possessions. People try to make themselves feel safe with money and houses and cars, but we have none of those things. We have our work, we have each other and we have our gifts and talents to do the work we need to do. That is worth more than anything in the world combined. Those who see that are our friends.

Thursday February 16th and Friday Feb. 17th 2017

“Solice” by General Fuzz and “Miss You” by Trentemoller have been my soundtracks all our days off this week. I can’t stop listening to them. The song “Solice” is eerie and goes well with the play I’m writing a plot for. I got the plot for “The Land of Deadly Echoes” basically finished and turned it in for Thoth to read. I painted for a few hours and once Thoth read the plot, he told me a few things didn’t quite work, which I fixed. He read it again and said it was good. I was so happy. I finally finished the plot synopsis for my play!! 1 month and 3 weeks of work every morning. I almost gave up a few times. Now I have to write the play, which will be even more difficult! I made a vlog of my new drawings for you, with concept sketches for my characters from the play called Fray Wrathanian and Ashen Delency. I started drawing a scary face using the dark paints I bought on Wednesday to start painting the sketches I’ve done over the last week or so. Painting is challenging for me. It isn’t as precise as drawing, but I’m learning white paint can be used to tidy things up. It’s a challenge to try and make faces look scary. On Friday I started adding other faces to my painting. Drawing is a stress reliever for me.

I started drawing a scary face using the dark paints I bought on Wednesday to start painting the sketches I’ve done over the last week or so. Painting is challenging for me. It isn’t as precise as drawing, but I’m learning white paint can be used to tidy things up. It’s a challenge to try and make faces look scary. On Friday I started adding other faces to my painting.

A Tiring, Difficult Week

Wednesday June 9th 2016

Tribal Baroque’s Wednesday vlog:

We had lunch at Ink. I’m filming everything all the time now. It was hard getting ready to play today. I was talking to my sister on Skype and she was sad and lonely. It’s hard to see her like that when I’m half way around the world from her. Poor baby. I didn’t really like my look either. It felt like it was going to be slow at our spot, and it was, but Victor came again and brought two friends. We played for an hour and a half and Victor and his friends stayed the entire time. I wasn’t feeling good because, low and behold, I got my period! We dropped our things at home and went out for pizza for dinner.

Lila’Angelique’s Sunday Vlog:

Thursday June 10th 2016

Tribal Baroque Thursday vlog:

We were emailed by Rose, telling us to move to another apartment this morning. It completely ruined our day. We were angry and uncomfortable all day. I sent an email back saying we didn’t want to move again. No response all day. The prayformance crowds were as slow as molasses. I got so frustrated at one point I wanted to cry after one audience took almost half a minute to clap after a song, and even then most of them didn’t clap. A couple sat for the entire prayformance and clapped. The girl was a big fan. “I’ve waited for 3 months for you to come.” she said. That cheered me up. We had burgers for dinner.

Friday June 11th 2016

Tribal Baroque’s Friday vlog:

Rose called and said we had to move out because 12 people were arriving in a half hour. She didn’t get my email. We were pissed as we packed up our stuff and it was brought downstairs. It was the LAST thing I wanted to do. Rose’s husband and Rui brought all our things downstairs, put them in their van, drove to the other apartment and brought it upstairs for us. We bumped into our friend Jorge and he took us to lunch at Ink down the street. That made us feel better. He reminded me I needed to make sure I get a response before assuming someone is going to do something. “Accountability.” he said.

Prayformance was rough for me. Audiences were again like molasses. I couldn’t smile. “Are you focused? I’m here. I’m your husband.” Thoth said. I accidentally dropped my new bow and it snapped.  I wanted to throw my violin on the ground and give up I was so frustrated. I was able to get through it and it got a bit better as it got later. We had Nepalese food near home for dinner. The guys who work at that place treat us so respectfully. I wish everyone in the world treated us like that.

Lila’Angelique’s Sunday Vlog:

Saturday June 12th 2016

Tribal Baroque’s Saturday vlog:

I had a better day today. We had lunch at Ink Farm Food Cafe and I edited vlogs all day. We didn’t play at 56 Rua Garrett until 9pm. It got better last night as it got later, and it did tonight. We had the best night we’ve had in a week. I realized I haven’t smiled during prayformance all week. I smiled tonight, a lot. We were both full of energy and I improvised a lot more and had fun with the music. It makes such a big difference when people are focused on us. We were brimming over with energy and went to Nood for dinner.

Lila’Angelique’s Sunday Vlog:

Sunday June 13th 2016

Tribal Baroque’s Sunday vlog:

Sunday was St. Anthony’s Day here in Lisbon. I didn’t eat anything all day, saving myself for a sushi dinner at Miss Jappa after prayformance that night. There were tons of people out and vendors selling fish and sangria and beer. Nuts. A guy tried to kiss me, or something. We played at 56 Rua Garrett from 8:30 to 10pm. The entire night people were walking past us, headed to the parade or up to the square to get drunk. They were immensely unfocused. A man who had seen our show on Saturday night came and sat and watched us for most of the prayformance. If we had not had a good night on Saturday, I wouldn’t have felt so great about the night, but I managed to have fun. We were both tired when we finished. We dropped our things off at home and went to dinner at 11pm.

Lila’Angelique’s Sunday Vlog: