Tuesday December 13th 2016
Got up too early today (a little after 7am). I’d gone to bed after midnight! When I see light these days I have to get up. No excuses. I ended up in my upstairs bedroom doing Morning Pages (three pages of whatever comes to mind.) It was nice, though difficult. Writing in longhand as I do is tiring on my hands. I hold the pen as close to the nib as I can so I can write as beautifully as I can. I started reading The Artist’s Way yesterday. I’d always wanted to read it, but this time seems perfect for reading. I have so many other books I want to read while I’m here.
Mom lay down in my room at 11am to let the cleaning lady clean her room while I cleaned out my closet of the dresses I didn’t want. Later she would take us grocery shopping. At noon, Thoth and I had our breakfast, even though Mom had offered to take us to lunch. It’s so nice to feel like I’ve done so much before noon. I’m liking the morning, even though I was more tired today. After our light breakfast, I sat in bed for a little with Thoth reading until Mom called us. We all three of us went to the grocery store. Mother is so generous. We can get whatever we need.
In the afternoon I perked up. I made a vlog sharing some favorite music and enjoying myself in my bedroom. In the evening I went downstairs for Caesar salad and chicken dinner. Mom had already made the salad and Thoth cut the chicken. I’m being treated like a little princess. Thoth always treats me like a princess, but I pull my weight. I clean the dishes! Went back up to my room where I am now continuing to vlog and music listen until bedtime. SO LOVELY.
Monday December 12th 2016
Today I got up early and spent time in my room before mom got up and took us to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast. We passed my Elementary school, Scales Elementary. Every time I see that playground, I can’t help but remember the torture I was put through by the kids. I HATED that school. A girl named Alex slapped my sister at middle school gym class and threatened to shoot her. I’ll never forget it. The girl got suspended for a few days as punishment. I got punched in the stomach by a boy named Cameron for laughing at a joke he said. We were called “The Humping Harkins.” Nice. The kids called us lesbians because my sister and I were so close. We hugged and kissed and snuggled a lot. Those f**king kids. One time a girl name Karen, who was “friends” with my sister in middle school, stopped talking to her. Sis confronted her on the playground and Karen said people had said we are lesbians and she can’t be friends with her anymore. It devastated her. It was impossible for us to make friends. Our only “friend” Anna became friends with our bully Alex. That was devastating too. Fun. Thank God I got out of there alive and in one piece.
We had a lovely lunch together. I hadn’t had Cracker Barrel pancakes in 6 years. Mom then took us to Costco where we could get whatever we needed. We got tons of frozen fruit, seed and nuts for smoothies. We’re so spoiled! While we were in the store, I had a strange realization. I’m from Nashville. Most of my memories from childhood are from Nashville. I only remember NYC from our many trips there. I was born in NYC, but I was raised in Nashville. Nashville is my home. I’ve denied that for years. I’ve been ashamed of it. I felt like because what we do is so unique, saying I’m from Nashville would take the mystery away. The truth is, a lot of great artists come from small towns. It’s not where your from that counts, it’s what you do with your life that matters. I should be proud of my roots.
Sunday December 11th 2016
Mom went out to a party at 2pm and wasn’t back until nighttime. We had the house to ourselves. I realized today we have more time here than I thought. It made me feel more relaxed. We still have a month left. It’s so calm and relaxing here. No need to feel guilty about anything. We are safe and snug and secure here. Nothing to worry about, unlike everywhere else in the world. It is so hard not to worry, especially as artists. We especially never know what is going to happen. None of us know, but the artist is much more clear about that fact. People in other professions like to pretend they have their shit together, like retirement, health insurance, a cozy little house live in. We have none of that. Just each other, our art, and what we’ve saved through that. Being here is so different from our usual life. My bedroom I can go into whenever I want and be alone, all the music I have to listen to, the heater in my room, any food I want to eat, movies to watch, the heater in my room I can turn on whenever I need to, the car to borrow, all the books on my shelf to read, Thoth and Mother’s gentle love and generosity… I can go on. All thanks to my dear Mother. No reason to be bored. I have so much to do. Every day I get up early so I can do as much as I can before the day is done. There isn’t enough time!
After spending the day in my room acting (loudly), writing in my journal and music listening, I went downstairs and watched bits of Andrew Reiu in concert. I used to love that DVD. I didn’t like it so much anymore. It’s an orchestra in pretty dresses playing your typical, classical tunes everybody knows. That’s why he’s successful, not because he plays original music. That takes much more work than playing dead people’s music, though I have respect those who choose that path of course. I used to think there was no other path than singing things people had sung before. I was in love with opera. All the CDs I have up here in my room are operas, classical music, musicals and CDs from my dad and mom. I was headed the direction of being a singer of dead people’s music up until I was 20, and learning all that music did give me a lot of skills, but I completely went off into left field when I met Thoth. I’m glad I did.
Mom and I had a good talk that evening before finishing a movie, “The Pianist”.
Sunday November 13th 2016
Today I did dark makeup. Sis came with us to the park and stayed all day. I was glad. It’s nice to have her with us. Dan Rubin came to see us. Cover Story got to meet my sister. We start a half hour later on Sundays, which is great now because we get more darkness time. Less than halfway through our set it was already dark. A few people today said it was the most beautiful thing they’d ever seen. One person at the end wondered aloud why our skills and talents haven’t been acknowledged yet. They have, but not it the way she’s thinking. It will happen someday. I believe it. Sis sat nearby and watched the first half, then left for a bit and came back at the end. We had our light on and a big crowd gathered around us. Everyone was seated in front of the case. It was like having a campfire. I knew everyone that was watching knew they were experiencing something very special. We were these two mysterious, ghost-like creatures singing in this beautiful tunnel in the middle of Central Park. Everyone who went away from tonight had some kind of profound experience. They didn’t even know what hit them.
Saturday November 12th 2016
I did pink eye shadow and lips today. No need to be complicated if I don’t want to. Sis went with us to the park, but she didn’t stay all day. I had hoped she would and I missed her. A woman said our music was “the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.” Amazing. When people say that I know we are bound to be famous the world over. The highlight of the day was seeing my old college friend Reggie. He won the Met National Council Auditions last years I think. He’s one of the best singers I know personally. It was amazing to see him in person after EIGHT YEARS! He took care of me that year I was in school studying voice. He won the competition I was in before I went to school at University of Kentucky. He got me through some tough times and was my best friend. He said he heard my voice from above the tunnel and he knew it was me. “I heard the high notes.” he said. When it was 2 minutes to 5pm, Marcia started up her boom box without asking if we were finished. It annoyed both of us. We saw our friend David on the walk to the subway. He walked with us and we talked. “Pray for your enemies.” he said. Sis was at home. We got dinner and rested in our room.
Monday November 17th 2014
Thoth woke me up at 10 to go to “Interstellar” at 11. “Happy anniversary. This day is as important to me as the day we got married.” he said.
It was this day 5 years ago we left everything behind to create a new life together. It was this day 5 years ago we got on a plane and flew to Europe. It was one of the most terrifying, exhilarating days of our lives. How the f*$k did we do it? Hardly anyone, accept maybe Dan, believed in us. He just sent us a happy anniversary card. He’s the only one who knows. We went to hell and back and we’re now married! We’ve traveled and prayformed in Europe, North America, Africa and South America. More people know about our work than ever before. People recognize us on the streets of New York, and all over the world. I used to dream of that. Our love is like a mighty rock that has stood the test of hundreds of small and large avalanches, landslides and hurricanes. I think we were tested the most the first year in order to see what we were made of. We’ve been trapped in foreign countries with no money, we’ve been homeless on three different nights, I almost drowned once, Thoth bashed his head in a pool, we’ve gone hungry, been duped by landlords, gotten arrested twice, gotten our instruments stollen by police, been harassed by security guards, been yelled at by strangers, felt hopeless, and almost gave up a few times…
BUT WE’RE STILL HERE, AND WE’RE STILL MAKING ART!
On the train ride to see “Interstellar,” I listened to my mom’s song “Try to be True” and “The Power and Glory.” It made me cry. My mother used to be so full of hope. I feel bad for her. We got to the movie, and it was wonderful. Very complex, yet very emotional. When it was over, Thoth fell in my arms and sobbed. “Baby! What’s wrong!?” I said comforting him. He couldn’t explain his emotion. It was an emotional film. We left the movie theatre and it was pouring rain. We went to the subway and took it to Williamsburg. We picked up some sandwiches at a fancy grocery store and went home. My mom called and we talked for a while. She sounded good. I was so tired, so I rested until dinner time.
Thoth woke me up from my little nap and we went to a sweet French bristo down the street for our anniversary dinner. It was so lovely. The hostess was pleased we’d come to their restaurant for such a special occasion. The food was delicious, as always, and we got a snuggly table in the corner. How wonderful! I can’t believe how much we’ve been through to get to this day!
Thank you my sweet hubby for being there for me through everything. Thank you for helping me to learn respect, compassion and humbleness. Thank you for loving me despite all my flaws. Thank you for letting me sing with you every day. I love you more than anything. I will love you and be your little wifey for as long as you live. I love all your laughs. I love all the little cute things you do with me. I love how much you love me. It’s a beautiful feeling. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for constantly inspiring me and making me laugh. Thank you for being there for me in my darkest moments. Thank you for traveling the world with me and making me feel safe to be myself. Thank you for teaching me by exemplifying constant commitment to your work and humbleness in your daily life. Thank you for being my hero. Thank you for inspiring me to be creative all the time. Thank you for creating with me and playing with me. Thank you thank you thank you!