Last night my husband was sick. Thankfully he didn’t throw up, but it was really hard to watch him be nauseated. He’s fine now. When he feels bad, I feel bad. It’s like what’s happening to him is happening to me. I can’t bare it. The only other person I feel that way about is my twin sister, but of course I have compassion for all people, even those who hurt me. That’s one thing prayformance has taught me. Not to judge others and to have compassion for all people.
I love Thoth so. I don’t know what I’d do without him. He takes such good care of me. We always have fun together, and we are always together. We don’t fight. We don’t get angry at each other. We make each other’s lives complete. He has so many lovely idiosyncrasies that I know better than anyone. He knows me better than anyone, too. They’ve got to make a movie about our life one day. I’m watching What Dreams May Come right now. It’s so interesting to watch in now and see my life and our love story reflected in it.I don’t know how I’ll be able to exist without my husband and the life we lead of travel and prayformance. I want to prayform with him until I die. I want to prayform with him even after death. I believe that place you go in death is beautiful, but I also know we will miss each other, as the characters in the movie do. I’m documenting every day as much as I can, because I want to capture every second I can because I know it won’t exist forever. I want to always be with him, always
“Thought is real. Physical is the illusion.” is something said in this film. I really, really, REALLY believe that. We don’t need to worry about gaining physical wealth and status and possessions. We need to work every day to keep our dreams alive. They will come true. Not in this life, but in the next. Everything I ever could dream of is being built for us in the next life. This life is only a shadow of what is truly possible. I don’t need to worry about what I’ve accomplished and what people think of me. I am making something that makes people happy and I have a beautiful husband who loves me. That’s all I need. That’s all we need.
The reason we live like this is because we’ve always been outside the box. We’ve always been black sheep. We’ve always been outcasts. No wonder we live like this. Without following the proper protocol when it comes to work and getting yourself out there. We don’t wait for things to happen, we make things happen. If I live my life like this for the rest of my life, I will be happy. Sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for something BIG to happen, but it’s already happened. I found my soul mate and my purpose. I don’t need to wait for anything. I have it.
Thoth is a beautiful, loving husband. He’s so feminine, which balances my boyishness. We work perfectly together. Like yin and yang. I love him and he loves me and that the way it will always be.
Tuesday November 17th 2015
We had a wonderful 6th year anniversary! I got all dressed up for our special dinner at Gotham Bar and Grill. Thanks for Mike R. for this treat. The restaurant was beautiful. A woman in the restroom, who was clearly drunk said, “You should come to my table and say ‘We need to perform together again soon!’ and then just walk away.” I didn’t. 🙂
We were seated at a cozy little corner table right next to the bar away from all the noise. “Thoth.” said the bartender. “He recognized me from modeling in SF.” Thoth said after talking with him. “That’s a long time ago.” I said.
We ordered our drinks. “I have the prettiest guests in the restaurant!” our waitress said. She was wonderful. She made me a special non alcoholic fruity drink. “You’re so beautiful!” a woman sitting next to me said.
Thoth had a martini. We both ordered three courses; two appetizers and a main dish. Everything was beyond delicious.
Tuna tartar for me.
then squash soup…UH-MAZING.
Then lobster and short ribs. Just the most amazing thing. I didn’t know food could be so good!
Our waitress even gave us an EXTRA dessert. “Because you made my night.” she said.
Thoth and I are just like good food. We may look extremely unusual, but we’re extremely kind, fun and good spirited people. We taste as good as we look. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Thoth was tipsy and we were both so very tired while going home. What a lovely night!
Thank you Mike!!