Sunday February 26th 2017
I slept better tonight. Still not as perfect as I’d like, but better than last night. I was glad. my hubbykins, the little THOTH-ie poo, got in bed with me and the Babes sang me their traditional happy birthday chorus. It’s one of the cutest things in the whole world. No one has ever seen it before. All the babes have different voices, and we have three new Babes from our travels this year. Lambie (a black sheep to replace the one I lost 8 years ago from mommie), Dancie (a small pink mouse we found on the street in Lisbon) and Bitie (an odd little pink bunny we got from a fan in Lisbon). We have nine Babes now. Unkie, the monkey, Bunny, the bunny (I bought her for 75 cents at a store in Amsterdam in 2010), Ellie, the Elephant, Bibi, the teddy bear, Cheekie (a little pink bunny my sister gave me) and Fluffy (a tiny sheep I stole from Nana’s piano in Oakland). I got the song on film, as you can see. He does it every year. The Babes don’t talk other than once a year for my birthday.
I was in contact with the people who were coming to the party tonight on Facebook. Surprisingly, Forrest sent a video of himself driving through the desert. I assumed he was going out to the desert, but he wrote saying he was driving like hell to get to us. He said he’d make the party. I thought he wasn’t going to come, so I was very happy. We haven’t seen him enough. I went into the bathroom a bit late to start on my makeup. I wanted to do something bright and cheerful for my birthday prayformance in Balboa Park. Here’s what I came up with… I really liked it…
I tried to paint the sky on my face with a bunch of alien language on it. Tori said it looked like clouds. I always wonder if someone will ask me what my makeup looks mean. I don’t think anyone has yet. I think the language on my face says “I love you. Happy birthday to me.”I did pink on my forehead and eyelids, then blue under my eyes and purple mixed into my cheekbones. I used white to draw strange decorations over top, added jewels on my forehead and glitter all around. I got started a bit late so I had to rush to finish it. Sometimes that inspiration just hits me and I have to follow it. I’m glad I do. I f**king love my handmade crown.
I love being creative with my makeup. I’ve only done one (very complex) drawing this week. Makeup is another form of art. I can just carry it around on my face. My sister later said I’m a a work of art. I think so too. I love that I now can use any colors I want, dark or light or a mixture of both for makeup. So whatever I’m feeling I can express in my makeup. Simple or complex. This look is so different from yesterday’s look. It’s inspirational to have so many colors and so many things I can do. Never ending possibilities. It was pretty dark and gloomy for the prayformance. I got a little sad, missing my sister. It doesn’t feel like a complete birthday when my twin sister isn’t there. Hopefully next year when we turn 30. God, that’s weird to say. No one was there when we started, but after a little Bill and Tori arrived. I was so grateful to see them and thanked them for being there. Our fans always say, “Thank you for being here.” Both were coming to our birthday dinner tonight. 🙂 The prayformance got better as we kept playing. What really cheered me up was playing an amazing solo and holding a new ostinato. I was very proud of myself. Beyond proud of myself actually. It took eight years of work to be able to improvise and hold ostinatos by myself. It will only get better.
To our surprise, Forrest arrived after Thoth’s solo. I was so happy to see him. Tori, Bill, Forrest and Chet watched us. The sun shone on us for a bit. It was beautiful. We played a beautiful improv together. I love my husband and our friends. They love us. I love San Diego. We have 2 months left here. Leaving May 1st for SF, then we fly to Lisbon on May 16th. (I bought our Europe flights last week btw.)
Forrest took us, our bikes and Bill back home to drop our stuff off. Bill got to see the apartment and he was amazed. He watched the vlogs and reads the blog as a religious rite, so it must have been interesting to see our work space with his own eyes. Forrest arrived and I brought him upstairs. Two of our biggest fans and friends in the same room!! Amazing. We walked to the Turkish place and met Tori, her boyfriend Michael, their friend Mariah, her boyfriend and Pascual. We ate our faces out and the food was delicious. It’s always wonderful to have dinner with our friends here. We walked back to the apartment. Forrest took Bill home and we showed everyone else the apartment before they left. What a lovely bith-day.
Thank you dear friends for all your generous love and support. We love you guys very much. I am so grateful for the people in our life who love us and support what we do by coming to see us.
Friday December 16th 2016
I didn’t sleep much last night. Maybe six hours. I was up for two hours or more before finally falling asleep. Mom had a hard time last night, which was worrying me. I got up at 8:30 (an hour before I’ve usually been getting up) in a very bad mood. I spilled something, which made me pissed. I was snappy towards Thoth. I hate when I do that. I was tired. I apologized once I settled down in a chair to write my Morning Pages.
After writing three pages of what happened last night, I felt more cleared and calmed. Thoth and I talked and I called some people. When I had finished talking to people, the phone rang. It was Andrew Kimbrough, my old acting teacher who taught at University of Kentucky. I studied voice for one year there in 2007/2008. He championed me to go to NYC and learn how to compose original music. He cast me as Ariel in “The Tempest” and encouraged me to write my first songs for the show. He introduced me to Meredith Monk’s opera”Atlas”. It was so lovely to talk to him. I told him what was going on with me and he told me what was going on with him. Eventually we just talked about life and our memories of each other at school. His adopted son, whom he let me hold when he was a baby, is 8 now. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen him. He asked if I’d like to call again for a longer conversation. We decided on Sunday. Yay! Something to look forward to!
I went up to my room and saw my friend James from England had written back to me. He said we could talk on Skype tomorrow! Something else to look forward to! Yay! I was feeling much better. I spent the morning editing my vlogs and listening to music. Around noon, Thoth knocked on the door for breakfast time. I love breakfast time with the hubby. He loves breakfast time with the wifey, too! I cleaned up and went back to my bedroom. I got a call from my friend Will, who asked if he could come pick me up to hang at his house. Sure! Thoth didn’t want to come, so it was just me and Will. I’m really glad I went.
We stopped at a violin shop to pick up two violins of his and went to his house. I wrote in my journal and he made me some tea and rice and beans. It was so sweet. He showed me a video of a new singer he discovered called Phillipe Sly singing “The Trumpet Shall Sound”. It’s gorgeous. Look it up! I’m listening to it again now. When I finished my journal entry, we went down to the basement where his speakers were to listen to music. I didn’t have the song I had wanted to show him, so I played my favorite pieces from Die Zauberflote. Eventually I was laying on my back between the speakers conducting and rewinding the song on my favorite parts. That’s how I listen to music. All the music I love, I know it like the back of my hand. All the subtleties. I then played the Paginini Caprices, the first seven. I know it by heart. Will sat a bit away from me watching as I conducted and moved my body to the music lying on the floor. It was wonderful. I love music.
I played one more song, “Music of the Night,” before he drove me home. We talked about our opera commission, “Esh and Ee-ay”. So sweet. At home, mom was up ordering thin crust spinach pizza for us. I spent a little time editing a vlog in my room before food arrived. We had chicken Caesar salad with our pizza. It was really good. I went back to my room to edit more vlogs, write my blog and listen to music, which I’m doing right now.
Thursday December 15th 2016
I spent the morning in my bedroom writing, editing vlogs and reading my books before having breakfast with Thoth. He put some leftover cooked apples in my oatmeal. So good! I wanted us to take a walk in the woods together, but it was too cold for Thoth. Instead, I went alone. It was really, really nice. I made an acting video as if I was lost in the woods. Check it.
Thoth was worried about me when I came home. I spent the rest of the day researching what it sounds like to hear voices, as yesterday’s personal acting vlog was all about a character who hears voice. I’m really having fun filming myself acting. I never considered I could act before. I found a few ‘hearing voices simulation” videos on Youtube. Pretty cool. I’m sure glad I don’t hear voices!
In the evening, we borrowed mother’s car and went to my dad’s house for dinner. There was a Christmas tree and a fire in the fireplace. Lovely. After dinner, I went downstairs with Dad and looked at some of our baby pictures. So sweet. Dad showed me a video of a soprano singing an avant garde classical piece in a school girl outfit. Very cool. We went home and mom wasn’t doing so well. I talked with her until midnight and we listened to me singing from when I was 17.
I couldn’t sleep I was so worried about mom. She called at 2am and needed help. Poor mother! I finally got to sleep around 3am.
Wednesday December 14th 2016
I started a 30 day create challenge for my vlog channel. I also started reading, “The Musician’s Soul” in addition to “The Artist’s Way”. I’m doing my three morning pages every morning now. It feels very good to write long hand. I’m being more creative and reading more instead of acting. I got my period today too. When it got dark, I did my dark makeup and filmed an acting video for my second day create challenge.
I cleaned off the makeup and Will came over for dinner. Thoth made an amazing risotto dinner for us. The kitchen felt wonderful. I had Will read me a poem of e.e. cummings and we all four of us sat down to dinner. Mother, me, Thoth and Will. Afterwards we ate cooked apples and yogurt and I had Will and Thoth write in my journal. He couldn’t believe how beautifully I write. He went home and I cleaned up and went back to my room. Lovely day.
Saturday December 10th 2016
Got up late today again. 8:20am. Damn. I talked with Thoth for a while before heading upstairs to act and listen to music. Mom got up around 11, thinking she needed to be at her sister’s house in an hour to go to a party. Thoth made breakfast for us and mom found out the party wasn’t until 2. She went back to her room, as did I, and continued acting and enjoying myself. Ahhh.
Mom left for her party at 2. I thought she wouldn’t be back until 8pm, so when I heard someone downstairs around 4 I thought it was Will. (I spend all day in my room these days. I’m completely satisfied.) Will would be picking us up to go to dad’s birthday party at The Boathouse in Franklin tonight. It was mom. Turns out her party is tomorrow. Will arrived around 5:15 and sat talking with Mom and us for a little before we had to go. I wore mom’s black thigh high boots, my grey knickers, a black tube top and my straw brimmed hat.
It was freezing! We have great conversations with Will on the drive. Thoth loves him, as I do. We have fun, the three of us. Dinner was fun. I was glad to have Will there. Dad showed his two friends who’d come a video of “Gypsy Dance”. Their faces were interesting to watch as they watched it. I’ve heard/seen that video too many times over the last 6 years. We need a new music video. Will talked about my ability as a teenager to point out all these nuances in classical and opera music I loved that even he didn’t hear. Dad relayed the story of how Thoth and I met to his friends. It was interesting to listen to. He’s very proud of me. He’s encouraging us to write words for our music. I don’t know if we will, but it is something new to explore. I had Will, Thoth and Dad try my hat on. They all looked cute. I love those guys.
Will drove us home and we continued discussing all things deep and spiritual. It’s so good to see Thoth and Will together. I love both of them so much. It’s so good to see how much my father has accepted Thoth. “My little boy.” he says. Thoth is only 6 years younger than him. 🙂 It makes me very happy. Will and us sat in the car in the driveway of mom’s house and talked for a little longer. They are so similar, Thoth and Will. I went back to my room to edit the vlog and listen to music until midnight.
Friday December 9th 2016
I got up early so I could spent time in my room before going to the studio at 11am. We could use mom’s car today. We sang along to a track a fan of ours had wanted us to sing on. Her name is Miriam. She’s an Australian from NYC and is a big fan of ours. Pretty cool. She was recording in the studio last week. My dad had been talking about me to her and she said “You mean Tribal Baroque? Your daughter is Lila Angelique?” Pretty amazing. It’s a small world.
Once that was finished, I sang on a track we’d done for our new album. Listened and made a few little changes, then we could go home. Dad did his scary walk as we drove out of the driveway. He used to do that all the time when we were kids! We had breakfast together and I went back upstairs to my room. Mom made dinner for us. I cleaned up and went back up to my room… At 11 I came downstairs to hug Thoth. I was feeling a little sad. Thoth brought me to the couch where we snuggled sleepily together. What we do, prayformance, is really important for us. It gets hard when we’re not doing it, even just for a month. Thoth has a harder time than me sometimes. We went to the kitchen for a midnight snack and got in bed.
Friday December 2nd 2016
8am wake up time. I’m getting good at this! Thoth needed to get rosin at The Violin Shop. I acted upstairs for a bit, but decided to go with him and drop off my books at Goodwill. I’m glad I did. Fred, the violin guy, was so happy to see me and loves what we’re doing. I bought my violin from him when I was a teenager and he’s fixed it for me many times over the years. His business used to be in the same building I took violin lessons in. I’m glad I got him on film. I’m proud of myself for continuing to vlog even though we’re taking time off from prayformance.
I went back up to my room and poured through my old closet and found a ton of black dresses I used to wear all the time. I went downstairs to show Thoth my favorite polka dotted one with pockets. Thoth finished making our smoothie and oatmeal breakfast and gave Mom a glass of smoothie. The blender she got us works incredibly well. Back upstairs I went to music listen. Later I heard Thoth playing violin downstairs. He had written a new loop for the album and was playing with it. It was gorgeous. We had snack time and then went for a lovely sunset walk together. It feels like just yesterday when I walked down all those steps to walk through our neighborhood in my gold mask.
I never liked it here in Nashville growing up. It wasn’t creative enough or stimulating enough for me, but I did love my house and my room especially. It was a sanctuary for me. Still feels like that now. I made it creative because that’s what I so desperately needed. Our home was always full of music, with my mom being a singer and my dad recording orchestras in the living room and bands in the studio. I had lots of creative and musical friends too. I’m a lucky girl.
We had a “fend for yourself” dinner tonight. Leftovers. It was yummy. We’re getting spoiled! I stayed up until almost 1am in my room listening to music and acting. Such a pleasent time we’re having.