The past few days have been weird. Monday was fine. We really relaxed on Monday. The day after prayformance is usually pretty relaxing. One Tuesday we went out to lunch at a cafe, which was nice, but were both feeling like shit. We really couldn’t get over some bad feelings. Today I was immensely cheered up because with the help of Forrest and my dad, we will be able to get to Balboa Park via Uber for our final 8 prayformances in Balboa Park. Our friend even said he may be able to help us next year with car transportation in San Diego. It was messing with my mind all week the thought of having only our bikes to rely on to get around here. It’s so hard. It calmed me and made me feel cared for that people are helping us in the way we really need to be helped. That’s all I needed to cheer me up. Finally! I couldn’t bare the thought of biking to the park and back again eight more times in the hot sun. We’re not able to prayform as long as we like to when we bike. Using Uber will make it so much easier for us, and will make these last two weeks much more enjoyable. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I realize the other day’s blog post may have turned some people off, but I feel hurt and humiliated when we have to ask our fans for help and the response is….. *crickets chirping.* I don’t like asking for help, I don’t think many people do. I’ve spent the past 7 years that way, even when we didn’t have enough money to eat. We’ve gotten a lot of help over the years from friends and family, but mostly the people who help us just help, or we trust them enough to know they will help if we ask. We don’t ask for help when we prayform in public. We have signs that ask people to do the generous thing, to donate. Those who give to us do so because they want to. There is no begging involved. Some people say I shouldn’t expect people to help us, as they have their own lives and problems to attend to. That is true, but many famous people and organizations rely on, ask for and get help from their fans, so why shouldn’t we?
Maybe I’m having a fantasy about what having lots of fans supporting us means. Fans are not friends. Friends are the ones who really love you, know you, are there you us and stick by you. Fans are people who think they know you and support you up to a point. Our friends are our truest, most super hardcore fans. They stick by us no matter what happens. They don’t get turned off by what I write or vlog about, because they know us. They accept us for who we are and what we feel. Even the biggest, most famous celebrities who have a million fans say they feel lonely. No matter how successful or famous we get, our friends will always be our friends.
We know who our friends are, that’s for sure, and they know who they are. They are the ones who help us, and in return we love and trust them above all others. Most all of them started out as hardcore fans and then became dear friends. Usually people who are hardcore fans of ours become close friends. We never know who those people will be. I am so grateful to them. The ones who come to see us prayform (even who don’t as much, but still love us and think of us), the ones who read my blog and support me no matter how I’m feeling, the ones who give us a place to stay in their homes, the ones who help us out. They are our true fans and friends and we couldn’t do this without their help.