Saturday August 16th 2014
“The Beauty Is”
a Stream-of-Conciousness Poem by Lila’Angelique
“It’s the beauty in you that is so blinding. Mesmerizing. Soul shaking. I reach for it in every tearful word I hear. I embrace it in every touch. I am not alone. There is no space between anything. It is all an illusion. There is only one truth. Love. The beauty is not being able to capture it. Ever. Love is infinite.”
Prayformance is very important to me. Because we aren’t connected to an agent or a corporate sponsor, we are able to do exactly what we want whenever we want to. No one can tell us what to do or how we should live our lives. That is what has made Thoth’s, and now my, work so unique. We’re not influenced by the mainstream. That, in turn, makes our lives somewhat lonely and separate from other people. But if we don’t create our music, who will? Every original artist was lonely at one point. I have an entirely different way of thinking because of what I do. I don’t go to parties, I don’t go see shows, I spend most of my time working on my blog, drawing or reading, when I’m not prayforming. I’ve become quite a weirdo. I felt very strange when a woman asked us, “Why don’t you go out and see some shows at the Fringe?” How can I explain I wouldn’t have any fun doing that? Prayforming is what makes me happy.
Why is prayformance so important to me?
-It has turned me into a creative, confident, hard working and self motivated person.
-It has given me the ability to create original music,
-to share what I do with hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
-to practice the four main pillars of art on a daily basis; music, dance, writing, and visionary art,
-to touch people’s hearts and connect with them on a deeper level.
-It has given me friends who give us housing all over the world.
-It has given me the ability to create my own creative persona,
-to express myself exactly the way I need to,
-It’s taught me how to interact with the public,
-how to improvise musically,
-how to improvise musically with other people,
-how to be compassionate and nonjudgmental of others,
-how to stay strong in who I am and never give up,
-how to bounce back when things get hard and continue trying,
-how to use the my emotions, like depression, fear and jubilation, in my music to cleanse myself,
-how to reward myself,
-how to be healthy and take care of my body,
-how to save money and be financially responsible,
-how to defend myself when I’m being attacked,
-how to sing fully without the aid of amplification,
-how to find acoustic spaces in public and create shows where people wouldn’t expect,
-how to be an independent artist.
-It has give me the ability to travel the world and meet people I would never of gotten to meet.
And more questions:
Norma asked: “How long have you been performing, is this how you survive financially, are you guys like gypsies???:) and Do you plan to come back to San Diego?”
We have been prayforming together for almost 5 years. This is indeed our only source of income. That was my first question for Thoth when I first met him. I was shocked he had no other job. Now I can’t imagine having a job and doing what we do. It would be impossible. We return to San Diego once a year during the winter.
Marianne asked: “Just curious: you said you are an ‘eternal virgin’. What do you mean ? You will never have sex?”
I have never been interested in sex, even before I met Thoth. I have always preferred singing or drawing. Yes, I’m very weird. When I met my husband, he had similar feelings about it. I don’t plan on having sex, ever. Sex leads to children. I can’t afford a child, nor would I have the time and energy needed to raise one, so I don’t have sex. I think more people should practice abstinence, but that’s just my opinion. I also have a more spiritual reason for being abstinent. I dress in white and pink because that represents purity and innocence. In prayformance, as in my life, I see myself as the eternal virgin princess. Forever to be longed for, never to be conquered. Makes my energy very potent. Having sex would destroy it. Thoth’s and my relationship wouldn’t be the same either. We make love in our music. It’s not a sacrifice, it is a choice.
♥ Create a band with our friends Rhan and Michael and a Cirque-like troupe around our work and travel the world with them.
♥ Our work be more well known.
♥ Have homes in Lisbon, Barcelona, London, New York and San Diego so we don’t have to worry about housing all the time.
♥ Go to Japan, Thailand, Quebec, Mexico, Jamaica, Australia, Venice and Austria (among others)
♥ Have a documentary made about our lives.
♥ Have beautiful music videos made of our music.
♥ Sing in beautiful churches an acoustic venues all over the world.
♥ Create an acoustic music festival where performers play in beautiful caves all over the world.
♥ Snorkel in crystal blue waters with Thoth.
♥ Write an autobiography about my life with Thoth.
♥ Make a successful blog that inspires people.
♥ That I can prayform until I die.
♥ That I meet someone who can care for me when Thoth dies.
♥ That Thoth is appreciated when he dies.
♥ That what I do makes people smile and gives them hope