Tag Archives: doing my best

Protected: Struggles of a Unique Creative Artist – When Will Things Get Better? (Weekly Vlog/Blog Update)

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Protected: Thought and Feelings of a Living, Working, Struggling Musician, Artist and Performer

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All I Can Do Is My Very Best

– HOT MESS PRAYFORMANCE, RAIN STORM –

Wednesday September 14th 2016

I had a dream about Michael Crawford. We were friends. He was doing a show in Nashville and I invited him to stay at moms house. He did. I went up into our bedroom and told my sister “Michael Crawford is here.” You can only dream about people you have met.

I got all made up, listening to Michael Crawford sing “Music of the Night.” It’s such a beautiful, sensuous song.  I’ve loved it since I was 10. Michael doesn’t have the best trained, most beautiful voices, but his is one of my favorites. Gentle, boyish, sensual and powerful all in one, especially as Erik (the Phantom). 1The interesting thing about me is I love dressing like and being a fairy pixie fantasy creature, and yet I absolutely love dark, disturbing characters and music. I am a pixie, but if I could, if I had the voice and the body for it, I would want to be more like Erik and have a beautiful baritone voice. My voice is so pure  and I’m so small and pixie-ish. I can’t get away from it.

I put on some little pasties I’d bought yesterday. They’re not pasties, but they’re pretty and they cover my nipples. I put on my undergarment my mom gave me for Christmas. Instead of putting my pink tutu around my waist, I put it over my shoulders. I always find ways to try new things with the clothes I have.

2 4We got on the train and a man sitting in front of me said “You look like a fairy tale.” and then said, “Something my daughter would love.” That made me feel good. A woman asked to take my photo before we got off the train.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Dan was waiting for us at the Angel Tunnel. We were late because we had to walk from 59th street. All the trains were running express. Annoying. Cover Story finished singing and we quickly set up. A film crew was setting up a big, big rig and drilling planks. We assumed the sound would be happening all afternoon. We got through an hour of playing, but the drilling and lack of supportive audience was too much. We played “Sea Expressions” to only Dan. He got some great photos. It seems to be guaranteed that when I get dressed up, we have a bad play.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

We decided to stop an hour early. We’d given all we could give for that day. That’s all we can do. Dan and I did a photo shoot at the back of the tunnel. I felt beautiful, cute and skimpy. It is worth it to dress up on days when Dan comes to see us, even if the day is below average. At least I get some beautiful photos, and he had something fun to shoot. I even took off my top and we shot me almost nude! It was such fun. I feel really safe with Dan. He doesn’t make me feel like an object like most photographers in the park do. He is our trusted friend.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

Photo by Dan Rubin.

The two amplified guitarist and drummer started playing really loudly outside the tunnel, as they’ve done in the past. It started raining hard. They had to stop and came into the tunnel. Serves them right. They’re always setting up on people who are playing in the tunnel. Thoth went over to confront one of them. I didn’t know what happened, but he came back and told me the drummer was nice. He even said they would come and talk to us before playing from now on. We’ll see what happens.

Dan walked with us towards the subway. It started raining so hard we had to hide under some umbrellas. We stayed there for over a half an hour until it started clearing. Thoth walked ahead of us and Dan and I walked under my umbrella. We got into the subway out of the rain and went home.

– TWO DAYS OFF –

Monday September 12th and Tuesday September 13th 2016

We spent almost the entire day at home on Monday. We needed it. It was the first day we spent at home since we got to NYC. Very nice. Relaxing. In the evening, around 10pm, we went to a French restaurant down the street for dinner and found a big grocery store. 🙂