Sunday February 19th 2017
I wake every morning from around 8am (9am the last few days) and work on my play until noon. I can only write about one page before my mind starts to get soggy. The idea to create something is much smaller than the actual task of creating it. I came up with the idea for this play while we were in Nashville over Christmas and I’m now finally getting to writing it, after backstory writing and plot creation. I can’t imagine writing or creating something that takes years and years to create. Well, that’s kind of what prayformance is. A lifelong creative project. I don’t see it as a project though. Prayformance is my life. A lifelong creative process lets call it. As my life is.
I’m having fun trying different kinds of makeup and costumes. I can mix black makeup and a light costume/black makeup and a black costume/light makeup with a black costume/light makeup and a light costume. It gives me more things to work with. A larger pallet. I used to only wear light makeup and light clothes, which gave me a certain look. Wearing dark makeup or dark clothes adds something different, and always wearing anything black makes my light hair pop out.
Today’s prayformance was so much better than yesterday’s rainy day prayformance. Seven people came to see us at Balboa Park. Bob, the sweet homeless man who’s come to see us for a while now, Bill, our cheerleader, Tori, our sweet, amazing supporter (who loves to draw us), Pascual, our shy, gentle protector, Sister Ida and Sister Yeshe, our dear friends and Skylar, a girl who was filming us for a documentary she’s for school. All are friends we cherish. As I’ve said before, it makes all the difference when people come to support us. Skylar discovered us last night and asked if she could film us for a documentary. I said yes and she wrote the questions last night and drove and hour from school to film us today. Amazing. Who does that? Who actually does what they say they’re going to do? No one. And she’s just a college student. 25 years old! Amazing. She filmed us all afternoon. I gave Pascual the camera to film several songs. Our improv was super cool. We did a funky part. I’m glad we got it on film! Someday this stuff will be legendary. It already is. We had a lot of fun today. No fear. Just fun singing and playing. Skylar will come to film interview questions tomorrow before we play. We’re going out tomorrow because it’s a holiday. We haven’t been playing enough. That’s February for you. My birthday is on Sunday!
Haven’t been sleeping well the last few night and thus haven’t had a lot of energy. Also have been working on my play a lot, which takes away most of my brain power. Sometimes I get super focused on one thing and don’t do the other things for a while (like blog). I did draw a sketch of my new character from my new story. He’s called Fray. I’ll show you, eventually.
I’m doing as many things as I can these days. I’m doing work on my play in the mornings, writing, editing and posting vlogs for both my channel and our channel, writing blogs every day, all while prayforming five days in a row this week! Haven’t been drawing for a little while. Didn’t have enough time. I need to start reading another book.
Whenever I get pulled away from being creative (or I think what I’m doing is worthless in the great scheme of things) I get sad and depressed. Creativity is what gets me up every morning and keeps me going every day. It’s so easy to get pulled away from it in this day and age. My desire is to always be creative, as much as I possibly can. That is the most important thing to me. I feel like sh*t if I’m not creative even just one day. (I’m great at giving myself a hard time for it. 🙂
We played 5 days this week in Balboa Park. We missed playing last Sunday because it was supposed to rain, so instead we went out Wednesday through Sunday this week. Tori came almost every day, Ali came on Friday, Bill came Friday and Saturday and a few other people came on the weekend, including Pascual, Tori’s fiance Michael and Tori’s mother. That’s what makes playing in Balboa Park truly meaningful and fun for me. We always have people watching us. People say such incredible things. I realize I do give myself such a hard time when I’m playing, but I also know I am very talented. I want to do so many things, but it takes a long time to do them. I can only work on my play for so long in a day.
Playing five days anywhere is actually too much for us. We should only play four. Some people have it worse, I know. Five days of going back and forth to a job they hate, but the work we put in is equal to, if not more work than people put in with regular jobs. The reason is because all the motivation and will to do it must come from ourselves alone. There is no one expecting us to play (accept our most dedicated fans who come) and they’re not going to fire us or anything if we didn’t show up. Our life is built entirely on self motivation. The will to do it just the two of us with zero outside motivation. I have no idea how Thoth did it by himself for all those years alone. No f**king clue. I honestly think I would never be able to do this alone.
I believe life is all about doing things by yourself. I’ve found nothing happens if you just sit around waiting for other people to do it for you, or work for other people. That’s what our society is built on, working for others. Our life is about working for ourselves, doing what we want to do. It can be challenging as sometimes self motivation dries up or we get tired or depressed and then we’re kicking ourselves for not doing as much work as we wanted (as both Thoth and I do). There’s only so much we can do in one day, especially on days when we prayform. That takes a lot out of us. I feel like I’ve done good work in a day when I get up early and write for a few hours, write in my diary, draw a little, prayform, eat, edit a vlog and write a blog. That’s enough for me for one day. On days off I feel fantastic when I get a good sketch done, a part of the plot to my story figured out, etc. If that doesn’t happen, we’ll take a nice bike ride to get our minds off things.
We went out to have take out sushi and Chinese food on Saturday night and on Sunday night we went out for burgers. It’s wonderful to not have to worry about what we’re going to eat after we play. We have tons of options. The restaurants around here are fantastic, and there’s tons of places within a block of where we’re staying. It’s such a nice treat for us. In the six winters past when we stayed on Adams Avenue, we didn’t have any options. It was very frustrating. We were trapped. We’re not trapped here in downtown San Diego. We can get anywhere easily. It’s like we’re being rewarded for all our hard work in the years past. San Diego used to be the place we hibernated. Now we can have fun, finally. It’s not that we didn’t have fun in the years past, but we’re having more fun now than ever before. We need to be in the city.
We’re doing these beautiful improvisations during and after prayformance every day. I film the ones we do at the end of prayformance and put the light on us. I think it’s beautiful.