Tag Archives: being mocked

Being Mocked, and Being Supported

Friday November 18th 2016

I wasn’t up when Thoth was making our smoothies. I didn’t get dressed until an hour before time to leave for the park. I was really uninspired! Thankfully, it was a wonderful prayformance for us today! Dan’s brother Josh came to see us play. People clapped and cheered after every song. At least two or three people from every crowd said something as they left. “Amazing.” “Beautiful.” “Lovely.” That’s more like it! We put much more into the prayformance today. A little girl asked, “Why do you dress up like that?” I like dressing up for the prayformance. It’s theater, so I have an opportunity to express myself however I want. Why not? Having Josh there leading the applause helped so much. We got a lot of “bravos” too. People were really there for us today. Completely present. A man gave us a loving, generous donation for a CD. We gave him two. “It’s an honor.” he said. We were full of energy when we finished, unlike the last two days. We had salads for din din.

Thursday November 17th 2016

Oh man. I’ve been feeling low the last three days. I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with writing and vlogging about every aspect of my life. Sometimes it gets really hard and tiring and feels very pointless!

Today was another rough day. It was lovely out, and Dan came to take pictures, but the audiences were just… UGH. Bored, it seems, or worse, confused and unable to appreciate what they’re seeing in front of them. It’s not us. It’s the day. I don’t get it. I document our lives to show people easy it is not. While we were knelt to sing, some young boys came though the tunnel. I didn’t see them, but they started, what can be incredibly loosely termed as “singing” and very loudly as they walked through the tunnel. Not in harmony or inspiration, but with mockery and a desire to stop what we were doing. I was furious, and I knew Thoth was too. They stood in our crowd for a few moments. I thought I heard one say, “Hey we stopped them!” as we had stopped singing for that section of the piece. They walked out and away from the tunnel. That was the biggest applause we got that day. Our housemates Meli and Nina had come to see us. I could feel people were applauding for how we held our composure. “I wish I had been on my feet. I would have sung them out of the tunnel.” Thoth said. That’s something that happens when we perform in public.

Meli, Nina and Dan hung with us while we packed up. It was so nice to have had them there. Friends always make the day better. We got doughnuts to cheer us up at Doughnut Plant and got dinner at home.

Being an Individual Takes Guts: Mocking, Staring and Pointing

Sunday June 26th and Monday June 27th 2016

Photo by Polly Crongeyer, writing by LA.

Photo by Polly Crongeyer, writing by LA.

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about me. As long as I know I am doing the best I can and being the best person I can, that’s all that matters. Isn’t it odd how people judge others they don’t know? It’s ridiculous really. It’s too easy to criticize or make fun of strangers. There’s no connection to or care for their feelings.

Tonight there were a few annoyances during prayformance. The workers from one of the clothing stores came through and mockingly sang at us again. They’ve done that a few times now. The only thing I can imagine someone is feeling when they mock us is envy. We’re not doing anything to hurt them. I feel sorry for them. They’re doing a job they hate, but no one is going to stop us from doing what we love by making fun of us. Later, a drunk guy came in and was clapping off rhythm during Thoth’s solo. I told him to stop. I usually don’t do that, but he was so drunk he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing. He left and came back again and did the same thing. His girlfriend was pissed at him. We sat and didn’t play until he left. It felt like he was an energy sucking vampire. Ick!

People are taught from a young age to point at, mock and try to make people uncomfortable who are “different.” I see little kids point at us all the time. It’s astonishing how young they learn. Children learn early to oppress others who don’t fit in. That makes it easier for society to continue running through the manipulation of easily controllable sheeples. Either fit in or get bullied. I experienced it in my school days, and I experience it in the real world. It’s not so bad these days, but I still experience it from the internet, from staring and pointing from strangers, and from mocking. It doesn’t stop me, but it is interesting. It takes a lot of personal will power to be yourself in a world where everyone is too afraid to be themselves. Being yourself can feel very vulnerable and uncomfortable in a world like this. People love pointing out things that don’t fit in.

This weekend I became very aware of how staring in our society is used as a tool to shame people who are different. If I didn’t learn how to be stared at when I first started playing with Thoth, I’d be cowering in a corner all the time. That’s the only thing you can do to make sure it doesn’t happen. Most people do. Not just when we play, but when we’re walking around in costume. Even when we’re not in costume! People do the same thing all over the world. Someone will stop for a few seconds and stare, then if there’s someone with them as they walk past, they’ll say something to them and the other person will wrench their head back to look. Thoth taught me long ago how to look at people. If he ever tells me someone behind me looks interesting, I won’t immediately turn my head. I’ll turn a little after, so the person has no idea. Or, if I ever look at someone who looks interesting and they look at me, I always make sure to smile at them as if to say, “I accept you.” I’ll usually say something nice, too. Sometimes people will stare at us as we pass and I’ll look at them and smile and their stare will turn into a glare. It’s as if they’re saying, “I don’t like you and I disapprove of how you look.” It’s bullying behavior. Most people can’t have fun and be different and dress up because they’re too scared how others will judge them.

Going out and dressing the way you want and being how you want can be scary. Being stared and made fun of at is hard to get used to, but if you’re an individual, it’s part of the package. It’s not like we’re doing something wrong when people stare and point at us. When bullies stare and point or laugh and mock, I think the victim becomes a nonhuman in their eyes. The victim become more like a statue who has no feelings. I could never laugh at someone because I see everyone as human. Bullying still happens outside school, but not as much because we’re not around so many young hordes of idiotic people.

Speaking of that, a group of kids at the beach today were staring and making fun of us for how we were dressed, especially of Thoth’s skirt-wearing fabulousness. More often than not, it’s groups of people who mock or make fun of others. It doesn’t happen individually. In a group, it’s usually the bully that leads, and the others tend to model their behavior after the bully because it’s more acceptable. That’s how Hitler and Stalin existed. It’s almost impossible for one person in the group to call the others out for being wrong. I was never in a group, nor was Thoth. That’s how we’re able to do what we do.

The best thing is to strike out on your own path I think. That’s the only way to learn compassion and understand the power of being yourself. People who make fun of strong individuals are trying to pump themselves up by bringing the other person down to their level. It’s sad and pathetic actually. I remind myself what they’re doing has nothing to do with me. Bullies are threatened by happy, unique and talented people because they are none of those things. What they say or do has nothing to do with me, it has everything to do with them and their issues. They don’t know me. Their meanness and heartlessness is a projection of their broken shattered spirits. They have my pity and my compassion, but they will never break my spirit. I am an individual. I will take whatever people throw at me and just keep on singing and singing and singing.

As a friend of mine says, fuck ’em!