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A Struggling Artist

Tuesday July 12th 2016

I’ve been having a hard few days.

I think it’s important to be doing something that isn’t popular, but God damn it can be immensely discouraging!

Not everything has to be mainstream and successful to be heard. Lots of people love our music, even though it doesn’t exist to mainstream or even underground music lovers. Our music and our art is outside of any genre you could put it in. We’re not Classical music, or Baroque music, or Tribal music. We’re not vocal music, or instrumental music or avant garde or performance art or… Thoth’s Wiki article is under the category “Outsider Musicians” and it doesn’t even talk about Tribal Baroque. Tribal Baroque only exists because we do it. The only things that come up when you look up our name are things we created. Our website, our vlogs, our blogs, etc. We have a documentary, but no one even knows it exists. If we didn’t go out in public and play our music, it wouldn’t exist. It’s incredibly fragile and small and insignificant. I have to keep going and doing and creating despite it all. The most important thing is to create. Fuck it if no one is interested. Most people would have given up a long time ago and done something else. We don’t base our success on outside approval. We base it on our desire to make something we feel is beautiful and are proud of.

It’s amazing how people of all generations have made such incredible art and music in their lives and no one paid attention to them. People would even sneer and make fun of them. It seems that all great artists are outsiders in their lifetimes and only find recognition when their dead. Great art is never understood when it exists. It’s too bad really! Thoth is alive now. I am alive now. Tribal Baroque is out in the public daily sharing music with people. We exist now. We won’t exist forever. Our friend Forrest from San Diego put it perfectly. “I get to stand a few feet from you and watch you play. In the future people will wish they could have done that.” I want to create as much as I can while I’m alive so when I’m dead people will have a lot to listen to and read and watch. I think when we’re long gone people will tell themselves, “I would have supported them. I would have gone to see them and been a fan of their work.” But you know what? Most wouldn’t. Most people don’t know how to support something that isn’t officially condoned by others.

I write because I want my feelings and thoughts to be remembered for the future. I want people to know who I was and what I felt. I am a street performer when I should be singing in opera houses and concert halls. I have been shoved aside my whole life. The music I make with Thoth will probably never be heard by the vast majority of the world. I will work my entire life and make tons of art only to die with little recognition. Thoth has experienced the same, so no doubt it will be the same for me. He made 9 albums with his band and on his own even before he met me, all of which were self-released and very few copies exist. All of our 5 albums under Tribal Baroque are self-released, too. No major fanfare happens when we release them. A handful of people buy them, and then they just sit on our website. Easily accessible, but mostly unseen and unheard. There is a vast treasure trove of music for the world to discover someday, if they choose to. And we haven’t stopped yet. We’ll continue making albums until we’re both dead.

We don’t know how to make people like us or pay attention to us. We’re not good at marketing or selling what we do. We’re good at doing it. Honestly all great artists don’t know how to sell what they do. They know how to make art. Making art is the most important thing. What people think about it or how much recognition I have isn’t important, even though it’s hard sometimes to realize that. People put so much worth into what the world thinks about what one does. The most important things aren’t about how much money or fame or recognition one has, it’s about how one doesn’t ever give up and keeps doing what one want despite lack of recognition. That is where I take pride in. I don’t have much recognition for what I do, and yet I keep on doing it. When we’re gone it won’t be, “Wow they were so well respected and famous.” but “Wow they keep performing and singing and making art and music while being underrated and without major recognition or fame. How the hell did they do that?” We do it because we have to do it. Art is life.