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Protected: Frustrations with Audiences and New Artwork

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Hoping

Wednesday April 23rd 2014
I was hoping to get a message from Paul saying we’d have a place to stay in Edinburgh and an email from Joan saying she’d make my hoop skirt. Neither were there when I checked my email this morning. Why does everything have to take so long? Why can’t it just be done? I checked my messages all day waiting for someone to write back. I got a craving for sweets so I had some raspberries. I desperately want those cranberry granola cookies from Senior Mangos, but they’re still out of stock. I hope they’ll have some before we leave on Tuesday. Jenn and her husband came over at 5. She took my measurements and I gave her my prayformance skirt to sew. They’re going to L.A. tomorrow to get flowers to sew on the dress. I finally got a message from a woman on Etsy who makes hoop skirts. She said it won’t work for her to make it the length I want. I placed my order anyway and asked her to make it 27 inches. She agreed. So, Jenn is making the overlay skirt and the woman from etsy is making the hoop skirt. I hope everything works out and it looks the way I want. Thoth made the most amazing caesar salad for dinner and I made salmon. I got distracted and didn’t eat it though. Instead, I glued my drawing onto a canvas board and started painting it. When I went to scan it, though, it didn’t come out so good. I tried peeling the drawing off the canvas. Not a good idea. I got really upset and tried cutting it off with a straight razor. Another bad idea. “I’ve ruined it!” I said crying. Thoth tried giving me ideas how to fix it. He’ll resize the scan tomorrow and I’ll print it off on some better paper. I’ll never do that again. The past few paintings I’ve done have hit some major snags that have gotten me really upset. When am I going to learn my lesson?!

Selling my Artwork

Friday April 11th 2014

My mind was racing when I woke up. I wanted to cry. I dreamed we were at the Angel Tunnel in Central Park again. A group similar to the Afrobats were there cursing and yelling at us. Dan was there and said, “Well, that’s just how it goes.” I started thinking about another friend from New York. Why do people with the means to help us don’t and the people without means do? Forrest, for example, has very little, and yet he gives as much as he can to us. He would give us more if he could. Our friend Dan is the same. He doesn’t have a lot, but he comes see us almost every day in the park and gives us as much as he is able to. Why? Maybe people with more money are worried about be taken advantage of.

I received a response for some rooms I inquired about in Edinburg. They seemed like scams. Thoth and I discussed it and decided we’d ask his Scottish friend Duncan to try and look at the places for us. I wrote back to the would-be-renters. We’ll see by how they respond if it’s a scam or not. I hope it isn’t. It would be great if we got a place that easily!

I posted my artwork on Facebook last night and my dad wrote, “Can I buy it?” I responded saying, “Yes daddy!” He called me and we discussed the price. He was very generous! He said some nice things. “You’re working really hard. I’m so proud of you. You deserve it.” he said. “I’m happy you have someone like Thoth. You’ll probably be together longer than most couples. I’m happy you have someone older and wiser, even though I may not say it all the time.” he said. “Try to be happy. You only have so long together. If you’re sad, you don’t get that time back.” “You made my day, daddy. Thank you.” I said. I was really late getting ready to go, so I did some very simply makeup.

The bike ride to the park was very relaxing and comfortable. It was 72 degrees. I wasn’t expecting anything at the park, but we had a lovely day. John came over and showed us more artwork he made inspired by our music. A couple  bought both our CDs and gave me extra for them. A woman named Jannette and her friend Pablo watched our entire prayformance. “You guys are extraordinary.” Pablo said. He bought a CD, too. While we packed up, a sweet lady named Lesley talked to us. She had seen Thoth perform, but not me. She bought a CD as well.

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERASANYO DIGITAL CAMERAI got a message from daddy asking to buy all three of my new paintings! I can’t believe it! I worked so hard on them, and now I’m being rewarded! “I think you can call yourself a professional artist now.” he said. He made my day today!

We stopped at the grocery store. Thoth forgot to get a few things so I had to go back in. The person in line behind me said, “I love your performance in the park. Your voice is stunning.” The woman in front of me shook her head up and down. She had seen us perform, too.

At home, we made rice bowls for dinner and settled into our work. I looked at the bus fares from Edinburg to London. The price had gone up. It made me frustrated. I tried booking a fare, but my card didn’t work. I hate booking travel accomidations by myself. It’s so stressful! I’m exhausted, I think I just need to go to bed.

 

New Artwork

Thursday April 10th 2014

I woke up late, but I was up too late last night. I started looking into housing for our stay in Edinburg. I was just curious what the prices are. All it did was freak me out, though. It’s impossible to find housing when we’re not in the city. We always figure out housing once we’re there, in ways we could never know now. After wandering around Barcelona for 3 difficult days in 2009, we bumped in Thoth’s old friend Vicente. He let us stay with him for 2 months! That happens everywhere we go. Lisbon, Greece, Porto, Amsterdam, Marrakech, San Diego.… Miracles always happen when we jump off the cliff. We just have to close our eyes and trust that we will land safely somehow. We actually haven’t been to a new city in a few years now. Thoth says we should treat ourselves to a hotel stay for the first week as our honeymoon. That would be nice, but I don’t want to spend a month’s worth of rent for 7 days in a hotel. We always spend the most money the first week in a new city. I got so upset I went to Thoth’s recliner and lay in his arms. We talked and it made me feel better. “Don’t do something that makes you upset when you’re in a bad mood.” he said.

We got dressed and went grocery shopping. They had fresh chicken tenders. I wanted one for a moment, then decided not to. It tastes good when I’m eating it, but I feel bad afterwards. Thoth was surprised I didn’t want one. “I guess I’ve brainwashed you!” he said jokingly. “You’ve washed my brain of all the bad behavior!” I said. I made lunch for myself, but it was tasteless. I felt overwhelmed. I lay down on the couch and Thoth lay down with me. He doesn’t like when I’m sad. “Do something that makes you happy.” he said. I finally started painting at 3 o’clock.

I worked on the top painting yesterday, but I wasn’t liking it so I added more flower paper and paint. My sister likes how I cut out the models and glue them onto a painted background. “It’s unique.” she said. For the second painting, I gave it a very simple wash for a background. The first one looked too busy. I want the focus to be on the model, not the background. The only way to learn is to make mistakes. I like the colors I used for the second one. It’s simple. I’d love to make paintings with the detail of Gustav Klimt’s work. I’m inspired by his art. I would like to be a master painter, singer, dancer, violinist, makeup artist and clothing designer. I don’t think that’s possible, but that’s my vision. It works well for me to follow my own self discipline. Thoth helps me when I need him. It’s almost like I’m still in school, but this is the school of life.

I found my favorite version of Jesus Christ Superstar. That made me happy.

Being Productive

Wednesday April 9th 2014

I thought I would sleep in late, but I got up at 9:30! I was dreading seeing my fucked up drawing, so I didn’t look at it for a while. Instead, I wrote yesterday’s blog, posted it and uploaded the weekend’s video blogs onto Youtube. I finally got to my drawing… and fixed her eyes!!!! Yay! I had to paint them over with white first. I wish I could draw one amazing drawing every day! Why does it have to take so freaking long?? I spent the rest of the day painting a background for her.

We hadn’t planned on going out to play because we thought it would be 90 degrees. We were wrong, it was in the mid 70’s. We discussed for a moment the idea of going out, but let it go. We weren’t planning to and there won’t be anyone there.

Jim sent me Anastasia Hunter’s email address. She runs the Steampunk Convention we performed at last year and wanted to bring us back. A promoter friend was supposed to be getting us the gig, but wasn’t getting back to us about it. Anastasia wrote back almost immediately.

Greetings, Thoth & Lila!

I regret that our convention has already spent all of our entertainment budget bringing our Musical Guest of Honor, Professor Elemental, from the United Kingdom to perform at Gaslight 4. Please forgive me for not contacting you as I must have forgotten asking you about performing this year.

I hope that you are able to make other arrangements and look forward to hearing you play in Balboa Park in the near future.

Most sincerely,

Anastasia Hunter

It made me feel very sad. Our friend made it seem like it was a done deal. It’s hard not to take things personally. If I had known earlier that our friend wasn’t promoting us, I would have contacted Anastasia directly.

My sister got on Skype. She got really sad because she was missing Jim and he responded flippantly. She started crying and needed to talk to Thoth about it. He’s very helpful with situations like that. I wished I was there to comfort her. She going to drive down to San Diego the final weekend of April to see our show and drive us back to Oakland. We have a lot to get ready for the wedding in 2 weeks and no car to do it with. That will be interesting. We’re more trapped in Oakland than we are here. At least here we have bikes. It’s too hilly to get around Oakland by bike.

After dinner, I watched “One Flew over the Cookoo’s Nest” and stayed up until 2am.