Tag Archives: annoying

Where Was Our Audience?

Wednesday October 26th 2016

I got up excited to try a new darker makeup look today, which I did. Thoth said I looked Gothic.

14877626_1304611286240179_1965718109_n 14825828_1304610189573622_432961630_n 14874836_1304610779573563_241804225_n 14877010_1304610616240246_599710624_nWe got to Central Park in the cold and to our surprise the Conservancy was setting up for their big fundraiser (which blocks the back of the Angel Tunnel where we play.) We knew that would negatively affect our week as the break dancers would come do their thing downstairs. Annoying, as always.

Cover Story finished as we got ready and Herman, one of the singers, came over to hug us and say hello. While we stretched he said, “Your eyes are mesmerizing.” It’s nice that someone at the tunnel likes us. Once we began, the Afrobats started up, playing their boom box quietly. I was sure our day was ruined, and I was right! It wasn’t just them, people didn’t clap while we played really at all or gathered– or tip us or anything. It was as if everyone was ignoring us, or worse, they were just deaf and blind to the beauty that was right in front of them.

On these days it’s especially hard because no one points out or even openly recognizes what’s going on. No one says, “Hey I’m sorry no one is clapping for you guys, you’re amazing, and to play while those assholes are doing their stupid show is incredible! They’re hacks. You guys are original and unique, and you don’t give up! Inspiring! Thank you!” No one says that. They don’t even notice, even though it’s happening right in front of them. A woman said something like that to us back in the summer of 2013 when the Afrobats were doing show after show and we weren’t stopping.

Not only didn’t most anyone clap or tip us today, they didn’t even watch us. It was pretty shitty. We’re doing the best we can and no one was even watching us. I know within myself that we’re doing something the world has never seen and when we’re dead everyone will wish they had supported us, the same as they wished they supported all the other great artists of the past. It actually felt amazing to sing full voice over the Afrobats show. We’re not trying to bother them, but we know how much it irritates them to hear us. They really do hate us for some reason. The other day Ravon (one of the two Afrobats) said “Hey homo!” to Thoth as we were passing by into the Angel Tunnel. They have a deep seated fear and disdain for us, and there is no way to talk to them. Maybe if someone else did, but they don’t listen to conflicting opinions. Well, no, they don’t hate us. What am I saying. They don’t even know us. How can they hate two people they don’t know. They hate something in themselves, their inability to be more free and open, and we threaten and frighten their masculine, ghetto street cred or something like that.

We played through it though, and got through it. Glad when it was over. Yuck. Tomorrow it’s supposed to rain, so we can take a day off to recuperate. When we finished, Marcela set up her stuff and her boom box literally right on top of us. So rude. We had to drag all our stuff out of the way it was so loud. People clapped louder for her than they did for us all day. It was too painfully ironic for us. “We’re doing the best we can. Society is the way it is and we can’t change it. It’s just going to get worse. We can only change ourselves. We succeed by doing our work. Fuck everyone else. When we’re dead no one will care we did this work, but it will be great benefit to us karmically, spiritually, emotionally, and in every other way.” I said. It’s true.14800912_1304611506240157_1592994180_nThe thing that’s hard about a first prayformance day being bad is that I was so creative this weekend. I was in my own little world creating this headdress, and then having that lovely lunch with Marianne made me feel that much better. But then to go out in the world and see how little anyone cares what we do creatively is so hurtful. I won’t forget Marianne saying me writing about the bad days is even more inspiring than the good days, because it shows me as very human. I am human. I know everyone has problems and frustrations, but mine are just as important as anyone else’s. I’m so glad I have this blog and the vlog to get things out there.

At home Meli, Amy and the guests from France were hanging out. It felt so homey and sweet. I love coming home to Meli’s place. It’s the best place we’ve ever stayed in NYC. Going home actually cheers me up. I’m going to miss it here so much. I cleaned my face and went to get chicken for our dinner. I watched the people making our food and thought how lucky I am to have my life. Amy was in love with my new wire headdress and wants me to make her one. “You could be a costume designer.” she said. She’s so sweet and enthusiastic. It made my day. She told our other roommate J.P. about it. “She made this headdress that you would see at the Met.” I heard her say. So sweet. We ate our dinner and went upstairs to work until bedtime.

Tuesday October 25th 2016

Again, Thoth was in a bad mood when I got up. Poor baby. Depression sucks a**, doesn’t it? We got dressed up (I wore my new crown) and we went to 81st Street for lunch with Marianne, one of our biggest fans. She was waiting for us when we arrived. We talked and ate and she gave us designer clothes she didn’t want anymore. She’s been reading my blog for three years and watching the vlog since I started it in 2014. She loves our honesty and bravery going out every day and being ourselves. It inspires her. She says the vlog is more interesting than most things and deserves more attention, as well as us. It completely cheered us up. Thoth had gone to lunch feeling sad, and left laughing and smiling, all because of Marianne. I went to 23rd Street to get more things to make another crown at Michaels and went home. I edited the vlog and blog and sewed hair clips into my tiara until 1am. Being creative is my reason to keep going.

Doing What Needs to Be Done!

Monday August 29th 2016

It took another 2 hours to get from Sutton to London Blackfriars. Even though we knew we’d have to take the bus, it was still hard. Too much for not enough reward. I was also frustrated about two things I wasn’t getting a response about and it was driving me nuts. There was a guitarist playing at the spot who we’d never seen before. He kept playing and playing until Thoth went over and said we were queuing. He didn’t say when he’d be finished. We both assumed he wouldn’t follow the hour and a half play rule as he’d probably already been playing there for hours beforehand.

After an hour and a half passed. I motioned to him to see if he was done. He kind of mocked my motion as if he wasn’t done. He got out a cigarette and came over to us. I told him it’s normal for people to play an hour and a half, then switch off with someone who is waiting. “Do I look like a normal person?” he said stupidly. I wanted to say, “Yes. I’ve seen your act everywhere in the world.” but instead I said, “It’s just nice to let others play.” For some reason, he did let us play but called us an “American Freak Show.” Who the f*** knows why. I muttered how I didn’t like being called a freak show. What a jerk.

This girl who sings opera came over to watch us. She loves our music. She met Thoth when I’d gone to see James last week. She told us she had arguments with guitarist man. “He plays and plays so he doesn’t have to talk to people and he never wants to share.” she said. So we were right about him. We played less than an hour. Our voices and bodies were too tired. We had crowds for the first half, but they died down after an hour. Oh well. We finished with “Scottish Song” to a crowd of maybe one person, who clapped. I didn’t care because I was happy we did it. “We did it.” I said when we finished, kissing Thoth. We did what we needed to do. We even sold two CDs. We immediately went into the train station to go home, knowing it would take another 2 hours to get back to Sutton. We need to live closer to, or better yet, in Central London when we visit next August. We’ll never play at Blackfriars again, but it did get us through this our first try in London.

We went to a delicious Indian restaurant near home. It was a satisfying ending to a very hard, but very successful day. When we got home, I got two emails with exciting things. I can’t wait to tell you about them.

Sunday August 28th 2016

We decided not to go into the city to play at Blackfriars today. It was cold and rainy and the trains still weren’t running from Sutton, making it a two hour, very boring and seemingly pointless trip. Instead we hung out in the house until 2pm and then went for food and drinks at a pub with Kaja and Emil. I tried not to get upset about not going to play. It was 5pm by the time we were done. The day got away with us. I’m glad. I never enjoy days when we’re not playing and I know we should. We’ll go play tomorrow, even though the trains still won’t be running. Ugh. It’ll be the last time we’ll have to take that trip.

Saturday August 27th 2016

We got out of the house by 2pm. Decent timing, or so we thought. The train from Sutton wasn’t running, again. It didn’t run last Sunday and it took for f***ing ever to get to London Blackfriars. I was pissed off knowing we’d have to take the shaky, vomit-inducing bus instead. I practically threw my violin on the floor I was so mad. I do get upset when things don’t go as planned, and that happens a lot in my life.

We got to Blackfriars at 2pm. It took 2 hours to get there. Ridiculous! We most definitely will be staying nearer to London next time. That kind of long transit makes us miserable. We had to wait another 2 hours to play because the bassist was playing. I was really frustrated. We played an hour and a half. It was ok, but the space isn’t that great for us we’ve found. At least we know now where we need to live and where we shouldn’t play. Next year we’ll audition to play at Covent Garden. That could be the place for us. James and I saw an opera singer there last week and he had a huge crowd. We would blow everyone away.

We walked to Waterloo station to have sushi at Wasabi and then took another 2 hour trip home. That one wasn’t as bad because I took something to keep me from getting motion sick. What would I do without my little Bunny? We can make our way through any problem. We just do what needs to be done!

Nothing’s Working Out Today!

Friday May 23rd 2014

Photo by Annie Harrison.


Photo by Annie Harrison

Photo by Annie Harrison.

Photo by Annie Harrison.

Photo by Annie Harrison.

I was restless tonight. I woke up several times this morning and couldn’t fall back to sleep. My mind races when I know I have a lot of things to do that day. Thoth got me up at 9:45 and I packed up to go to San Francisco. Nana was trimming her rose bushes and kissed us goodbye. “Have a lovely weekend.” she said. We bike to the Rockridge BART and Thoth bought us tickets. We didn’t need them because we can go straight up to the platform in the elevator. When we got to San Francisco, Thoth validated our cards, but we didn’t need to because we could go straight up to the street in the elevator. “We don’t need to buy tickets going home.” I said. “No, we don’t.” Thoth said. We biked a short distance to the Brazilian Consulate and locked up our bikes. I felt hopeful. “Maybe we’ll come out of here with visas.” I said. We went up to the consulate. The security greeted Thoth. They’ve become friendly over the many times Thoth has been here. We spoke with a woman, explaining we didn’t have an appointment and were told to come here without one by the festival representatives. “You must have an appointment.” she said. There was nothing we could do. Thoth asked if we told her who sent us if that would help. “That doesn’t matter.” she said. I was completely bummed. “What the hell are we doing here? Why did they send us here without an appointment? We’re not going to get the visa.” I said. We went next door to the FexEx to try and use the internet. “It’s not working. Go next door.” someone said. We went to the cafe and took out our computers.  I paid for extra credit on my Skype to call the festival people in Brazil. Someone at the office picked up, but it wasn’t anyone I knew. He gave me Karol’s (the flight and visa coordinator) and Marcelo’s (the founder of the festival) numbers but neither answered. Thoth wrote to Karol hoping she would write back with something she could do before the consulate closed at 1pm.

“The consulate just turned us away and refused to let us in to do a visa, so we cannot do it. Without an appointment, this is impossible. We are not sure why an appointment was not set up for us. In addition, a visa takes a long time to put together.

Our concern now is all the money we have been spending thinking this was going to happen and now nothing.

Anyway the consulate will be closed in 45 minutes and we do not have another time to come here before we leave.Our concern now is all the money we have been spending thinking this was going to happen and now nothing.

If you want us to do this in London, we will need money. We will not be able to throw away money as we have been doing.

Please give us something in the next 15 minutes.

We are particularly sad!”

“The place is closed and no visas, so we wasted our time.

We don’t understand what is going on.

We are disappointed!”

When it passed 1, Karol and Marcelo wrote back.

Marcelo said:

“Sorry, Toth. I really don’t know what is happening, and Karoline will reply to us. But I guarantee we will find a way and pay the costs to you. Festival will happen and you will be here.”

Karol suggested we transfer the visa to London and send our passports to a travel agent she knows there who will get the visas and return them to us in Edinburgh. Why is is so freaking complicated? Why didn’t they just get us an appointment when we were in San Francisco? I don’t get it.

I was extremely pissed and sad as we unlocked our bikes and started the long ride to John’s house. When we got there, Louis and — were in our room packed up cds. When they saw us, they made no move to get their stuff out of the room and give us some privacy. Instead, we left and had breakfast at Sacred Grounds, then went to the Height to get our money orders cashed which we were going to hand in for our visas. “At least we didn’t give them the money and our passports and find out we wouldn’t get either back before we left for Scotland.” Thoth said. We came home and a man was taking his computer out of our room. He knew our old friend Rok and told us he had crashed a plane out of Oregon Country Fair two years ago and died. He got us Rok’s girlfriend’s number and we said hello to her. We haven’t seen her in years.

After resting for a moment, we got on our bikes and went to Best Buy up the street a ways. I got some noise canceling headphones and Thoth got some earbuds. At home, I opened them up. “They’re not what I wanted. They’re not over-ear headphones. They’re on-ear. They’ll hurt my ears if I’m listening to them of 13 hours on the plane.” I said. I was so annoyed and threw them on the ground. “I know you’re upset, but you can’t return them if you throw them on the ground.” Thoth said. I looked up over-ear noise canceling headphones on Fry’s Electronics. They had some I wanted, but wouldn’t deliver until Tuesday and the place is all the way in Concord. I got everything together and started biking back to return them. Half way there, I realized I forgot the bike lock so I had to go back and get it. “People aren’t always going to be praising me and loving me, sometimes I just have to get through the shit.” I said to myself. “We will go to Brazil, I will get my headphones and we will got to Edinburgh. It’s just difficult right now.” I locked my bike and returned the headphones. When I finished that, I went into Target to see if they had headphones I wanted. Everything was too expensive, so I biked home. “Well I didn’t get headphones, but I returned the ones I didn’t want.” I said to Thoth when I got home. I ordered the headphones I wanted at Fry’s to pick up on Tuesday and John came into say hello. He asked if we’d like to go to dinner at their favorite thai place. “It helps me to be social when I’m sad.” I said.

I got an email from Les, the friend of John’s who’d offered us free housing in Edinburgh. It turns out he needs the place occasionally when he’s in Edinburgh for business and we would need to find housing elsewhere if he did. We don’t know anyone else so we’d have to stay in hotels, which would be expensive even if it was a few days. “It might cost us more to stay in hotels then it would to pay rent to Rachael.” Thoth said. “Well I’m glad we didn’t say anything to her.” I said. Rachael is the woman who we’re renting a room from while we’re there. “Nothing is working out today.” I said.

We got dressed and walked to Annie’s house together. We talked for a while and invited her to dinner. “I’d love to do that.” she said. We all 6 of us walked to the thai place on Height. It was a little hole in the wall. “No one knows about this accept the locals.” John said. It was a lovely dinner. My curry hit the spot. I talked with Annie about meeting Thoth and how our relationship has grown since our marriage. She loved the wedding and all the lovely people she met. She showed me some of her pictures. “Please send those to me!” I said.

After dinner, we walked home and sat in the living room with the cats. Tasha, the older boy cat, is a doll and loves to be pet. Penelopie, the younger, ferile cat, is much more jumpie, but she came in the room and sat on John’s lap. She has such a beautiful face and came close enough for me to touch. I’d never touched her before! “Did you see that, Thoth?” I said.

Thoth got in bed and I stayed up writing my blogs.