Tag Archives: 1st day away from my husband

Where Was Our Audience?

Wednesday October 26th 2016

I got up excited to try a new darker makeup look today, which I did. Thoth said I looked Gothic.

14877626_1304611286240179_1965718109_n 14825828_1304610189573622_432961630_n 14874836_1304610779573563_241804225_n 14877010_1304610616240246_599710624_nWe got to Central Park in the cold and to our surprise the Conservancy was setting up for their big fundraiser (which blocks the back of the Angel Tunnel where we play.) We knew that would negatively affect our week as the break dancers would come do their thing downstairs. Annoying, as always.

Cover Story finished as we got ready and Herman, one of the singers, came over to hug us and say hello. While we stretched he said, “Your eyes are mesmerizing.” It’s nice that someone at the tunnel likes us. Once we began, the Afrobats started up, playing their boom box quietly. I was sure our day was ruined, and I was right! It wasn’t just them, people didn’t clap while we played really at all or gathered– or tip us or anything. It was as if everyone was ignoring us, or worse, they were just deaf and blind to the beauty that was right in front of them.

On these days it’s especially hard because no one points out or even openly recognizes what’s going on. No one says, “Hey I’m sorry no one is clapping for you guys, you’re amazing, and to play while those assholes are doing their stupid show is incredible! They’re hacks. You guys are original and unique, and you don’t give up! Inspiring! Thank you!” No one says that. They don’t even notice, even though it’s happening right in front of them. A woman said something like that to us back in the summer of 2013 when the Afrobats were doing show after show and we weren’t stopping.

Not only didn’t most anyone clap or tip us today, they didn’t even watch us. It was pretty shitty. We’re doing the best we can and no one was even watching us. I know within myself that we’re doing something the world has never seen and when we’re dead everyone will wish they had supported us, the same as they wished they supported all the other great artists of the past. It actually felt amazing to sing full voice over the Afrobats show. We’re not trying to bother them, but we know how much it irritates them to hear us. They really do hate us for some reason. The other day Ravon (one of the two Afrobats) said “Hey homo!” to Thoth as we were passing by into the Angel Tunnel. They have a deep seated fear and disdain for us, and there is no way to talk to them. Maybe if someone else did, but they don’t listen to conflicting opinions. Well, no, they don’t hate us. What am I saying. They don’t even know us. How can they hate two people they don’t know. They hate something in themselves, their inability to be more free and open, and we threaten and frighten their masculine, ghetto street cred or something like that.

We played through it though, and got through it. Glad when it was over. Yuck. Tomorrow it’s supposed to rain, so we can take a day off to recuperate. When we finished, Marcela set up her stuff and her boom box literally right on top of us. So rude. We had to drag all our stuff out of the way it was so loud. People clapped louder for her than they did for us all day. It was too painfully ironic for us. “We’re doing the best we can. Society is the way it is and we can’t change it. It’s just going to get worse. We can only change ourselves. We succeed by doing our work. Fuck everyone else. When we’re dead no one will care we did this work, but it will be great benefit to us karmically, spiritually, emotionally, and in every other way.” I said. It’s true.14800912_1304611506240157_1592994180_nThe thing that’s hard about a first prayformance day being bad is that I was so creative this weekend. I was in my own little world creating this headdress, and then having that lovely lunch with Marianne made me feel that much better. But then to go out in the world and see how little anyone cares what we do creatively is so hurtful. I won’t forget Marianne saying me writing about the bad days is even more inspiring than the good days, because it shows me as very human. I am human. I know everyone has problems and frustrations, but mine are just as important as anyone else’s. I’m so glad I have this blog and the vlog to get things out there.

At home Meli, Amy and the guests from France were hanging out. It felt so homey and sweet. I love coming home to Meli’s place. It’s the best place we’ve ever stayed in NYC. Going home actually cheers me up. I’m going to miss it here so much. I cleaned my face and went to get chicken for our dinner. I watched the people making our food and thought how lucky I am to have my life. Amy was in love with my new wire headdress and wants me to make her one. “You could be a costume designer.” she said. She’s so sweet and enthusiastic. It made my day. She told our other roommate J.P. about it. “She made this headdress that you would see at the Met.” I heard her say. So sweet. We ate our dinner and went upstairs to work until bedtime.

Tuesday October 25th 2016

Again, Thoth was in a bad mood when I got up. Poor baby. Depression sucks a**, doesn’t it? We got dressed up (I wore my new crown) and we went to 81st Street for lunch with Marianne, one of our biggest fans. She was waiting for us when we arrived. We talked and ate and she gave us designer clothes she didn’t want anymore. She’s been reading my blog for three years and watching the vlog since I started it in 2014. She loves our honesty and bravery going out every day and being ourselves. It inspires her. She says the vlog is more interesting than most things and deserves more attention, as well as us. It completely cheered us up. Thoth had gone to lunch feeling sad, and left laughing and smiling, all because of Marianne. I went to 23rd Street to get more things to make another crown at Michaels and went home. I edited the vlog and blog and sewed hair clips into my tiara until 1am. Being creative is my reason to keep going.

A Free Place to Stay in Edinburgh!

Monday May 19th 2014

I slept as long as I needed to. When I finally woke up around 11, Thoth was out back reading his Kindle. I started acting. It was lovely. The room was so messy, I knew I’d need to get up and start cleaning up. Thoth came upstairs to cuddle me awake. We put his arms and legs around me. I felt extremely loved. “I want to act.” I said to him. After lying together for another moment, I decided I’d get up and start packing. We took out all our dirty clothes and started a load of laundry. Nana came home. “If you want to have lunch, do it now because I’m having a Skype session.” she said. We rushed downstairs and made some leftover Pad Thai from the wedding. We have about 5 bottles of raspberry lemonade and a few bottles of bubble water. We probably won’t finish it all before we go. We usually have to kind of ration our juice and bubble water but now we have so much we don’t know what to do with it.

I spent the day posting my blogs, the wedding day and the first prayformance after our marriage. It took almost all day, but I did it! Thoth organized and packed for Edinburgh. We’re leaving for Scotland in 10 days! I got a text from our friend John who came to the wedding. “A friend of mine just offered you guys a flat in Edinburgh for free. Write to him.” he said. I texted him back. “That’s amazing. We however have already put down a deposit for a room in Edinburgh. What should we do?” I wrote. “Call me. I’m sitting with Les now.” John turned the phone over to him and we talked. “I have an entire flat in Edinburgh that is not being used and you’re welcome to use it.” he said in a thick Scottish accent. I was shocked. “Send me an email. I’m leaving San Francisco on Thursday and I’ll get back to us before then. I also have a big house in London you’re welcome to come visit me there, too!” he said laughing. I said goodbye and talked to Thoth about it.

“We definitely won’t get the deposit back we gave Rachael for the room, plus we just sent our CDs to her. I really like where Rachael’s flat is located, Les’ flat is in Leith, which is a short bus ride away from the center. But do we want to pay rent when we can stay somewhere for free? Also, Rachael has been very sweet and helpful to us. We would be breaking a contract with her. There’s no way I wouldn’t of taken her room when I had the chance, though. I would of been stressed out of my head if we didn’t have hosing in Edinburgh 10 days before we went there. There’s also no way I would of known this would happen. If we don’t take Rachael’s room, we will most likely loose the deposit, but we will save a ton of money.” I called John back and got Les to give me the address of the flat. He was very friendly and jovial. I then asked John for his advice about what we should do. “I think you shouldn’t break the contract. When you’re there, you should talk to her and figure out something that is convenient for the both of you. She would still be able to rent it out at a higher price during the festival.” John said. I thanked him for being such a generous friend and helping us. Usually rich people are greedy, but John acquired his money in a loving way and now he wants to share it with people he loves.

My sister came over. Thoth was cleaning the kitchen floor. Sis and I sat out back while the floor dried. We told her what happened. I got my laundry and started packing. Sis helped me. She was hungry and wanted us to go to dinner together. When I finished I packed up my computer to go with sis. I gave Bunny a kiss. “This is our first time apart as husband and wife.” he said. “Oh Bunny don’t say that, you’ll make me sad!” I said. “Will you miss me?” “Yes, I will.” he said. Sis and I drove to her house. We looked for a movie to go see, but nothing seemed interesting. I organized my final wedding budget so I could go to the bank and get the rest of the money out. “Are you being responsible?” sissy said. “Yes, I have to be living the kind of life I live.” I said. “I never look at my finances unless I get a notice I have no money in the bank.” sis said. “Well, you’ll have to someday.” I said. We drove to California Pizza Kitchen to have dinner. At first, we hesitated buying dinner when I had so much food at home, but we got a pizza and salad to share. The pizza was really good and we gave our waiter a big tip. “I don’t think he expects young people like us to tip well.” I said. We walked next door to Barnes and Noble and looked at the sex books. I love pictures in sex books. They’re usually very tastefully done and beautiful. I want to draw them. Sis and I snuggle together and looked at the pictures. Sis got dessert at the cafe and drove me home.

I went int he house where Nana and Thoth were cleaning up from dinner. “We were talking about the wedding. What else is there to talk about?” Thoth said. “Have you thought any about the free room in Edinburgh?” I asked. “No.” Thoth said. “You should write to that woman and tell her what’s going on.” Nana said. I went upstair and wrote to Rachael, but didn’t sent it. “I don’t want you to write to her until we see Les’ place.” Thoth said. I spent the rest of the evening writing my blog, took a shower and went to bed. We’ll see what happens.