Stress and Relief

Tuesday August 9th 2016

I spent the entire day waiting to speak with a possible roommate in NYC. Even though it’s still not for certain until we send a deposit, it feels better to have something rather than nothing. After eating lunch, Thoth and I took a walk to another part of Amsterdam to explore. We were very tired by the time we went home. At 5pm I was finally able to talk on Skype with the NYC roommate. The place was legit and looks fine. I’ll feel more relieved when we have everything settled. It’s stressful, because we are never in NYC when we’re looking for housing there.

At 7pm, we walked to our friend Lieve’s house for dinner. I lover her house. We met her in 2010 in Ruigoord, just when we met Wim and Marja. Maybe we’ll meet more amazing people when we go back there tomorrow for a festival. Lieve made us salmon pasta and I looked at her art books. After eating, Thoth lay down to nap with a cute fluffy little bunny rabbit babe and we listened to music. We hope to go to her house one more time before leaving here next Tuesday for London.

Monday August 8th 2016

So the thing I feared would happen, happened. The apartment we were hoping to live in in NYC fell through three weeks before we’re flying there on August 31st. We got the news last night, plus some other disturbing news about a friend dying. We slept in fear and worry, having just heard the news. Woke up and spent the day desperately and obsessively searching for housing, unable to think about, talk about or do anything else. At one point I became so overwhelmed by what I had to do to find us a place, and the feeling of impossibility in doing so, I lay down with Thoth and cried. I hate looking for housing in NYC! It’s just too stressful.

We took a walk to the grocery store to get food for the day, then went home to eat. We went back upstairs and I continued searching for housing, even though I’d told myself I wouldn’t. I could help it. I wanted to find us a safe place to live. Wim and Marja came home around 6pm from the studio while Thoth was out getting me yogurt. I heard them talking, then when he came up I went to say hi. “Hi sweetheart.” Wim said. We talked about death and the fear of loosing our loved ones. Marja has the same fears as me. “You’re great.” Marja said. “You are welcome here anytime.” Wim said. I hugged them both. I love them both so much. I wish we could see them more than just two weeks a year!

Around 10pm, Thoth made chicken sandwiches for us. I was so frustrated about finding housing I couldn’t stop talking about it. We cleaned up, went back upstairs, and there was a message for me on Facebook. It was a possible room for rent! OMG! I immediately wrote back and we started talking. It’s off the L train, but an hour by train from the park. Same as always. At least it was a possibility. We scheduled a Skype talk for tomorrow at 5pm. I felt relieved. Of course it’s not certain yet, but it’s something! Thoth had been sad and quiet for 2 days, but he got in bed all happy and giddy and sweet.