Saturday April 18th 2915
We played up front again today! It was much busier. More people out. Thoth was nervous we’d bother some other busker, but I wasn’t concerned. “He’ll move.” I said, which he did. It’s cute that Thoth is so immensely concerned about everyone around him. It’s amazing he can sing the way he does. He’s so fucking loud. It’s like he’s singing “I don’t give a fuck! I don’t give a fuck!” and he doesn’t. 🙂 Like a said, that man is the master of not giving a fuck. We had another great day. I can’t really explain how amazing it is to hear my voice again. It’s so fucking amazing. Finally my high voice is working like it effortlessly does. I get so freaked out when my high voice isn’t working when I’m sick. It’s so much a part of who I am.
I didn’t care if people were listening to us I was enjoying myself so much. As the day went on, our crowds got bigger and bigger, and no one bothered us. Hurray! I was so freaking happy. Playing in the front is different than playing in the back. It’s more about the sound than the performance. The hallway up front is so resonant, but we have more space to dance in the back. In the front we’re pressed against a wall. Sometimes I like not having to worry about performing. Well, by any other standard we are still performing, but for me not as much as we do in the back. I don’t feel like I have to move around as much because the sound is so beautiful. It’s funny how anyone watching us doesn’t experience the same thing I experience when I’m performing. Wait, does that make sense?
A man who bought a CD said, “I see a future of opera in you.” He was a once trained opera singer, so he was very knowledgeable about the subject. “I want to see you guys get discovered!” his wife said. I wonder what people mean when they say that. I don’t really know if they know what they mean. “Not to insult what you’re doing now.” she continued. “I want to see you performing in Las Vegas.” Hmm. I don’t know if I would like that. Would I make more money? Most definitely. Would I be overall happier and without a care in the world? I don’t know really. Fame, success, whatever you call it is a double edged sword. Sure, I’m not happy all the time now, but I’m only responsible to myself and my husband. I have no responsibilities other than that. There is no pressure on me from my millions of fans to make a number 1 album and have an exhausting tour schedule. I do what I want. You could say we do things the old fashioned way, eye to eye. We give freely and people give back freely. No one is forced to give us anything. We’re free in every way. Not that I’m against us being more successful. We’re more successful than we were 5 years ago, but I no longer believe in overnight success.