Friday January 27th 2017
I know what my dream is. I know what my goal is. I know what I want to do. I want to bring people to work with us!
We’d have our best friend as our drummer, my favorite actor would be our narrator, and we’d need a bassist/keyboard player. Also, if money wasn’t a concern, we would have a string quartet and a small choir, with sets, lights and costumes too. This would all be in a beautiful theater space made to our specifications. All that extra stuff isn’t as necessary as the core members. This is my dream. To do a show with other artists I love. That is my goal. This is what I want more than anything. Not just one or two shows either, but to perform with these other artists in a sustainable, worldwide tour. That’s the thing success brings, the ability to hire the people you need to make what you do as beautiful as you can imagine it to be, and all the best artists want to work with you. That is what we’re missing. The ability to hire people and work with other artists under Tribal Baroque. To increase our work in a way we alone can not. Thoth and I can only do what we can do.
Today’s prayformance was magic. We’re doing so many wonderful improvisational pieces, each of which are unique and beautiful. I played two solos today too. After the first one, Thoth said it was the best one I had done. I filmed the entire thing and put it on the vlog.
It helped a lot that Ali, Bill and Tori came to see us today. Ali and Bill applaud loudly, very loudly. They both love us in a way that is astounding to me. I realize I am very doubtful and critical of myself during prayformance. I don’t believe people are really that interested in me. I give myself a hard time. I need to stop that. It’s not that I don’t have confidence, I just judge myself a lot when I’m performing in public. I worry I’m boring people. All artist feel that way, even the greatest ones. I wonder why that happens. I feel we are worthy of a much bigger audience for our work, yet when I play I sometimes fear I am boring and uninteresting, especially when I don’t gather crowds for my solos. I’m very genuine in prayformance, and here on my blog and on the vlog. I know I’m interesting and I live an interesting life and make beautiful music with my hubby Bunny. Why do I do that to myself? I wish I could see myself as our fans see me. People probably see me in the way I saw Thoth when I first saw him prayfom in the Angel Tunnel in 2008, and he was probably thinking all the same things I think now. He thinks he scares people, but he probably does. I’m not boring anyone. I’M F***ING AMAZING !! It’s actually hard to see yourself as the beautiful amazing talent you are. It’s easy to sound egotistical. Artist need to be humble, but confident they in their amazing-ness. Tribal Baroque is one of the most unique creative acts in the world and I have one of the most beautiful voices of my generation. See? Writing that feels like I’m being full of myself, but it is my truth. It’s what keeps me going. Someone just wrote “I think it is holy, what you do.” on our vlog channel. All the comments we get are positive to the point of being absolutely jaw dropping. People do love our work. The trick is how to we harness the work we do to reach as many of those people as we can, instead of just being street performers for the rest of our lives?
Having three very supportive people there showing their love and support is so helpful to us. It means that even if a bunch of other people aren’t watching, we still have a built in audience. I’m so grateful to those people. Being an artist and being successful is tricky. No one can tell us what is best for us becides ourselves. I’m working hard on my new story/play. Who knows where it will go or what use it will have for us. All I can do is dream and work and believe. Keep dreaming and working and creating and going out in the world and sharing and believing in myself. My dream will happen if I just keep trying my very best to do what I can to be as creative and expressive as I can. Sometimes I think it is our destiny to be famous and successful. Sometimes that feels far off and away from us. Sometimes I know beyond the shadow of a doubt all my dreams will come true. I started early enough. I started doing creative work at 20. I’ll have been doing it for 10 years by the time I’m 30. That’s got to count for something. All we need is things to fall in place so we can expand in the way my mind and my heart knows only we can.
I HAVE A DREAM FOR SOMETHING SO MUCH BIGGER THAN WHAT WE’RE DOING NOW, AND WE’RE DOING SOMETHING BIG ALREADY. SOMETHING THAT IMPACTS THE WORLD IN WAYS I CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE. I NEED TO BE PATIENT. I NEED TO KEEP WORKING AND WAIT FOR IT TO ALL FALL INTO PLACE. I NEED TO PUT MY DREAMS OUT INTO THE WORLD AND ALLOW THEM TO HAPPEN AS THEY WILL. THAT’S THE SECRET. I KNOW PEOPLE WILL LOVE IT. I KNOW PEOPLE WILL GATHER AROUND IT AND HELP IT TO BE BIGGER THAN WE COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE. IT WILL HAPPEN. I HAVE TO LET GO. GIVE IT UP TO THE THE UNIVERSE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. I AM DOING THE RIGHT THINGS. I AM FOLLOWING MY DEEPEST HEART. I KNOW ALL THE PEOPLE. THE RIGHT THING HAS TO HAPPEN TO BRING US ALL TOGETHER. WE ARE DOING WHAT WE NEED TO IN ORDER TO KEEP CREATING WHILE WE WAIT FOR IT TO HAPPEN. THE MAGIC WAS ME MEETING ALL THE PEOPLE I’VE MET ALREADY, NAMELY THOTH, AND US BEING ABLE TO SUSTAIN OURSELVES IN THIS SIMPLE, CREATIVE LIFESTYLE TOGETHER. I KNOW MIRACLES ARE POSSIBLE, BECAUSE MY LIFE AND MY THOTH AND HIS LOVE FOR ME AND THE WORK WE DO IS A MIRACLE ALREADY. OTHER MIRACLES ARE COMING. JUST WAIT.