Wednesday April 27th 2016
I am a human being. I have made mistakes. I am so grateful for people who support and have compassion for my experiences. I appreciate all the people who care about what we go through. I write my blog for those people. What we go through on a daily basis is insignificant in the great scheme of things, I know that. My frustrations and irritations aren’t as important to others as they are to me. All we want is the ability to prayform and be respected for the work we do. I open myself up to getting bashed when I write about my frustrations and difficulties online. I accept that. Not everyone understands. Usually when I write fiery/ranting/angry blog posts I get a commenter (who’s never commented before) who writes, “I’m you’re fan, I’ve been watching you for years, BUT—-” and then proceeds to rip into me and my lifestyle like a truck driver running over a skunk. They usually close up by saying, “I’m not trying to hurt you.” or “This is probably what other people are thinking but don’t want to say.”
People who criticize me online don’t know what they’re talking about, nor would they be able to tell me their criticisms to my face. They don’t know me, no matter how long they’ve been following us. I don’t like when people use the stance of being a fan as an opportunity to criticize how I live. That’s not being a fan. I’m not perfect, but I don’t deserve to be torn apart for the choices I make and feelings I have. It’s comments like that that do hurt me and send me into those dark depressions that cause me to write pissed off blogs posts in the first place.
I want to make some things clear. We’re not making a living “off the backs” of anyone. No one is paying for us to travel and live and eat. We make a great living as public performers. No one knows that because we don’t talk about it.
Speaking of Thoth as having done this work for more than 25 years as something he, and thus I, shouldn’t be proud of is insulting to me. We work hard for what we have. We’ve been performing like this for 7 years. Sure I get frustrated and pissed off, but the fact I pick myself up and keep going is something I am proud of. You have to stay focused on one thing for your entire life if you want recognition, but we are always growing. It’s hard. Stage performers sing the same shows 8 times a week for years. You don’t give up and do something else just because you get frustrated. And yes, I’m allowed to get frustrated. Why wouldn’t I? The world is fucked up. Like I said, all I want is to be able to sing where I want and be appreciated. It’s not performing in public that pisses me off, it’s how I get treated by people sometimes.
We are doing more than most to achieve success. We make albums every year (we have 5 thus far,) we have tons of footage of our work online, we go out and sing for hundreds of people 4 to 5 times a week. What more can we do? Audition? Send in resumes? Play covers? Try to get a record deal? Cold call venues to put on shows for us? No thanks. We write our own operas and music, put on our own shows and make our own albums.
We don’t expect people to do things for us, nor do they. No one goes out to the park and prayforms for us. No one buys our plane tickets and flies us to foreign countries or finds us housing. No one sells CDs for us. People sometimes help us because they love us and see what good we do for the world. We have amazing friends who offer us places to stay and set up shows for us occasionally, my dad makes all our albums, and sometimes people even offer us rides to the park. I’m so grateful for that, but we take care of ourselves.
We are the change we wish to see in the world. We are out in the world challenging people’s perceptions on a daily basis. People who love us can and do make changes in our lives by being generous and kind in a million ways, just as we make changes in their lives by doing what we do. We need people’s support and love, not people trying to minimize and tear down what we’ve worked so hard to build.
We all need to be more understanding of others. Just because I’ve chosen this lifestyle doesn’t mean I can’t get angry and frustrated about it. I love my life, but it’s hard too! Again, thank you to those who understand and support us. It means more than you will ever know.