Monthly Archives: March 2016

Hard Work Goes Into Our Art + Blast from the Past Video!

Wednesday March 30th 2016

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Monday was lovely, even though it was our day off. We got that lovely message I posted yesterday from some people who saw us perform on Sunday in the park. Today we went to the grocery AND SAW THOSE EXACT SAME PEOPLE. The husband ran over to us and said pretty much the same thing he said in his FB message. “You guys are incredible.” I knew it was him before he even said it was him. I saw them both (the husband and wife) at the checkout counter and they continued to say wonderful things, like how happy they were to have seen us, and what a pleasure it was to meet us, and that they know our schedule in the park and we’ll see them again. When we came home, David came and got some footage from us for the documentary, plus recorded us answering a few more questions. I am so fucking excited about this documentary!

Yesterday we went to Shelter Island to visit Ellen and John one more time before they went back to Oakland. We had seafood and talked about our lives. Namely, about our difficult time in NYC and our families. It was deep, it was supportive, and it was great. Thank you Ellen and John for coming to see us. We love you!

I wrote a lot today. Not for my blog, though. I want to write about everywhere we’ve been and our experiences. Who knows what will happen, or how long it will take to write, but I’ve been talking to Thoth about it over the last few weeks. We spent a few hours organizing ostinatos for our new opera synopsis, too. It’s so difficult to write an opera. Such a slow and tedious process. It got me to thinking, I’ve done a lot of cool shit at 28 years old. I’ve traveled and performed for God knows how many people. Thoth and I have made 5 albums together, will have traveled to Europe 5 times, have a music video, a short film, and a new documentary is coming out next month.

Who at my age has performed and traveled as much as I have? Who at my age has been doing an original art form for 7 years? I work hard, and not many people even know it. Writing this opera has been another trial by fire for me, even though we’ve written one before. My parents and sister didn’t believe I could do the things I’ve done, though they’re very proud of me now. I’m starting to think that all the hard work is and will be worth it. Just having this documentary made about us is showing me it’s worth it. Writing about my life shows me it’s worth it. Thoth and I have gone through such trials and tribulations to do this work, and we will continue to, but there finally feels like there is worth to it. That feels good.

Here’s a blast from the past for ya!

Amazing Easter Prayformance and Feeling Amazing!!!!!!!

Sunday March 27th 2016

Here’s a look at my makeup designs for the week.

Thursday’s makeup: (Only played two songs, but made a great vlog.)IMG_20160326_152611

Friday’s makeup: (A surprisingly good day with David doing more filming of us for the documentary. I was particularly creatively inspired and improvised a lot.)

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Saturday’s makeup: (A surprisingly amazing Saturday. Got better as the day went on. Big crowds.)IMG_20160326_152511

Sunday’s makeup: (Our big fans and good friends Ellen and John came from Oregon to join us for an amazing wonderful 2 and a half hour Easter prayformance!)

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What an amazing Sunny Bunny Hunny Easter Sunday!!! We really went for it today! I even drew a little sketch in the morning! I am a well rounded creative person. 🙂 I draw, do makeup, make my own outfits, sing, play violin, dance and act! I believe any true artist is skilled in many creative fields.

Why do I do such incredibly complicated makeup every day? Because I want to. I used to do it for others, now I do it for me. I don’t have to do complex makeup. It makes no difference in how people interact with us. It’s rare anyone compliments me on my designs. They’re too busy complimenting us on our singing. 🙂IMG_20160326_145438788IMG_20160326_145558678Our prayformance yesterday was great, but today was UH-mazing. We must seem like aliens from another planet! Seriously. People must think we dropped from the fucking sky. Who in the world puts on copious amounts of makeup and costumes and goes out in public and dances, plays violin and sings their fucking lungs out for 2 hours, or longer? On top of that playing completely original music? We played our one hour opera today, and played an hour and a half more of our old music! We improvised, too! When we have big audiences the entire time there’s no telling what we’ll do!IMG_20160326_181613568

The average witness to our work is completely uninformed. There’s tons of info about us online, but the average person watching us doesn’t know who we are, nor do they have a fucking clue what’s going on. On Sunday, an audience member didn’t know which case to put his tip in. He said, “Could I put it in either one, or are you guys separate?” That shows you. Nobody knows. People don’t know we’re married, or that we’ve been doing this work together 7 years (or Thoth alone had been doing it for 20 years), or where our music comes from, or where we’re from, or what we’re doing here, or why we’re doing this, or how it was created, or what they’re supposed to do or… They don’t know if they should clap or cheer or laugh or cry or scream or dance or run away or where they should stand. No. Fucking. Clue. The fact we’re able to do this and not do anything else is a fucking miracle. Yes, I said fuck. FUCK!

IMG_20160326_145504348There’s so much history behind what we do and how it was created. These days we’re getting a lot of that awe-inspired question “How? How did you create this?” It’s as though that question people can see and feel the depth of what we’re doing. If we become successful and famous there will be so much history for people to delve into. When I think of people who are famous, like famous singers, they weren’t doing their creative work as long as we have. I think eventually we will be so incredibly and profoundly good at what we do, the world won’t be able to ignore us anymore. We already are, but the world just isn’t ready for us yet. It will come in time.IMG_20160326_145739605

It’s interesting how depressed I was in January and February. Whenever I’m deeply depressed, something is coming that is always positive and good for us. That never fails. Right before our successful debut in Martha’s Vineyard I was so depressed, both years. When I’m that sad, I feel like nothing will change, that I’ll be sad forever. It’s hard when I’m in a pit remember to remember I can climb out and I will see the sunshine. IMG_20160327_214625836

I need to stop giving myself a hard time. We’re amazing. There’s no one like us in the whole fucking world.

From a fan who saw us on Sunday:

“Thank you for your dedicated art! Both of you are beautiful, powerful, talented and skilled. Such a treat to see you on Easter. Flow, share and bathe in all the massive success you two deserve!”

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

I am humbled by people’s appreciation of our work, but I also very much know we are deeply worthy of it. Yay!

Vlogs will be posted soon. Here’s one from Saturday, in case you haven’t seen it.

More Filming for Our Upcoming Documentary!

Friday March 25th 2016

I’ve been having a great time ever since we started playing up front (in front of Casa Del Prado) in Balboa Park. There are a lot more people who watch us and the acoustics are so much better than in the back. It’s more social, too. In the back I was getting really depressed. Yesterday we only played two song because the hair on Thoth’s bow broke, but it didn’t matter. Thursday is our practice day. Our friend Ali came to see us and watched the two songs we played. She’s one of those big fans who cheers and applauds after every song. We love that. Having her in the audience means it’s going to be a good day for us. Anytime we have fans in the audience we have a good day, because it means at least one person is truly paying attention to us.

Today I got all dressed up again and David (Barbarella’s husband) came to get some pickup shots for the documentary. We played “Anya,” then did a shot of us dancing around our GoPro on the ground for David. We gather a crowd when we’re performing in public, no matter what we’re doing. I was imagining what people might be thinking when they’re watching us. Not anyone in the audience has seen what we do before, unless they’ve seen us. A woman came to see us. I don’t know who she was or how she knew us, but she stayed until we finished. We had, big, big audiences for a Friday and I was on fire. I’m inspired to improvise every day these days. We did another improvisation today. What a lovely day it was.

Here’s our vlog for the day:

I love being inspired. Who knows when or if anything will change for us, but we will always, always be improving and getting better. Maybe this documentary will be something very special for us. It’s going to be released and screened at the end of April before we leave for Oakland (and our big trip to Europe!) We make our life amazing because we do the work needed to make it so.

Here’s my personal vlog from yesterday:

Life is Hard for a Reason

Wednesday March 23rd 2016

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I realize something. When I first started writing the synopsis for the “2nd Act” of Esh and Ee-ay, (if that’s what it ends up being) I did it because I was trying to impress people. I thought by showing certain people we could write another opera without their motivation and support, they would support us again. I held onto that hope for 6 months. I thought our show in Martha’s Vineyard, with all the amazing people who helped and attended, would be the beginning for us. The beginning of our success, our careers, the beginning of us being able to perform indoors. Everyone who was there or knows about it and talked to us clearly thought the same. That’s not what happened, not yet anyway. It made me sad for 6 months. It made me doubt everything and question why we did it. If I had known we’d do this amazing commission and work with all these amazing people, and nothing would have come of it, would we have done it? For a year and a half I hung all my dreams on that commission.

I need to do things because I want to do them. I can’t trust or rely on anything or anyone but myself. The sooner I learn that, the better. I can rely on Thoth, my sister and my parents. That’s it. Life has taught me that. When the going gets tough, you’re on your own. We so desperately want people to care about us, but very few do. We’re incredibly lucky to have a small group of people who love us and have helped us. People who keep in touch with us and let us stay with them when we’re in town. Friends who come to see us in the park. We’re lucky, but no one is going to make our work easier for us. It will always be hard. It is a bitter pill to swallow as an artist, but it’s true. If we want something, we have to do it ourselves. We can’t wait for someone else to do it. That’s why we prayform. Prayforming gives us everything we need. That’s why I blog and I vlog. I do it myself. It’s hard. A lot of the time feel like I’m fighting a loosing battle, but I’ll never give up. Creating anything is difficult for a reason. Nothing has been set out before me to be easy, even Thoth. I had to fight for the right to be with him, but now that I am, I am that much more grateful for him. I’m that much more grateful for my life because of how hard it’s been to get where I am.

Sometimes I feel like I’m trudging up a sheer ice cliff. When I get discouraged or something difficult happens, it seems like I fall down and smack my face on a ledge, but eventually I get up, clean my wounds and bandage them, and keep going. I haven’t given up yet. I can’t. Life has little to do with how gifted you are, and more to do with how hard you’ll work to achieve something with the gifts you have. Life is about self-motivation. People will lend you a hand occasionally, but they’re dealing with their own problems. I’m not the center of everyone’s universe. If you’re not willing to work hard, you’re gifts and talents will never see the light of day, no matter how many people love and support you. I used to think everything would be easy for me. Nothing is easy. Road blocks are constantly put in our way of achieving our goals. That’s life, but if you’re able to just keep at it, you can do anything.

And now for something completely different… in case you haven’t seen it. 🙂

And an improv we did on Sunday… in case you haven’t seen it. 🙂

Focusing On The Support!

Monday March 21st 2016

IMG_20160321_222036265Hello again friends, fans, family… and voyeurs. 🙂

How are you all doing? I’m doing quite well these days. Life has been treating me well. We get lots of compliments in the park, but Saturday was hard starting. We had this HUGE crowd and almost EVERYONE walked away when we finished. I actually see that happening more than ever before, because I film and edit daily prayformance vlogs. People gather when we’re loud, and then most of those people walk away immediately when we get softer. We’re not always going to be loud because it would hurt us. Many stay, and those are the ones I need to focus on. The others are just being voyeurs. I can’t pay attention to them.

It is true that in every situation, if one doesn’t have to pay for something, they usually won’t. For an individual watching us to have the sole desecration of how much to give us (or not) is significant because what they give is more meaningful. Those who give to us, and give more than expected, are showing us truly how much they value what we do. I am so grateful for the people who give to us and appreciate us and say nice things to us every day. I will always appreciate it. That’s what keeps me going. We wouldn’t be able to do this without them. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The people who get us are the ones I need to focus on. I know they’re there, reading, supporting and enjoying what we share and do. I’m realizing that more than ever before. Who cares about those who don’t. Sometimes I worry about sharing too much for fear of being hated on or ridiculed or misunderstood. Our music speaks for its self. There really isn’t a need to share more than that, but I like to. I like share more about myself than just singing. I like to share my thoughts, frustrations and feelings about everything I experience. It’s fun. The people who love us understand. Those are the ones that count. Thank you to the people who read my daily ramblings and have compassion for what I’m going through. It means a lot to me. I am so happy we have fans who love us and our work.

Anyway… now for something completely different.

I got an amazingly supportive email from my sister this morning.

“Hello silly faces. I don’t think I’ve actually ever listened to all three of your albums (there are 5 actually) in their entirety. I’ve listened to parts of them but I’ve never listened to the entire thing. I probably lied about that. I think I lied telling you I listened to your entire opera and I only listened to parts of it. I’m on your Tribal Baroque Facebook page listening to parts of every song. and I was like ‘Oh my god I want to listen to the whole fucking thing now.’ I was wondering if you could send me the albums. I know you’ve sent them to me before. I’d love to listen to the full albums.

I watched the Youtube video that you put up today of the girl trying to sing with you. It’s really hysterical because she obviously can’t improvise. She might be able to sing fine but she can’t improvise. It makes me happy that when I came to visit you I didn’t try to sing with you because it’s your thing. It’s not mine. So I’m glad that I saw that. It made me realize how incredibly talented you guys are. I’ve always known that, but in comparison to her, it made me go, ‘WOW, my sister has learned so much from Thoth over the last 6 or 7 years. It’s incredible.’ And sis your right, I couldn’t do what you do, I really couldn’t. Your so confident, and it makes me really proud of you. I hope you know that. I love you both.”

Not many people believed in me, or us when I first started prayforming with Thoth. My family didn’t. They all thought I was nuts. I was, but you have to be nuts in this world to make anything truly magical happen. I knew from the moment I set eyes on Thoth that we were destined to be together and he would help me become my own person. I knew that subconsciously from when I was a kid. That’s how I found him. I was laser focused on what I wanted from the beginning.

OMG! My mom just sent me a new Lamby! I cried when I first saw her. I lost a babe just like her 7 years ago when we first flew to Europe together. I forgot her in the airport because Thoth was so late we missed our flight. Now, 7 years later, I have a new one! It feels like a full circle.
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AWWWW!