5.3.2010
Yesterday we saw a lesbian couple making out beautifully near the Ramblas. Seeing them made me long for a female lover. I had another dream. Thoth went to take a nap in our simple little hotel room and I went out to a fancy brothel. I sat to eat in a restaurant of red velvet curtains and crystal chandeliers and beautiful vases flowers. I asked a man if the women in the back would be okay with playing with me. He said, “Well, I don’t know, wait a minute.” I was wet and excited with anticipation the whole time. When he came back he said “Sure!” I sneaked down a bright corridor and listened to him tell the girls about me. I saw their dark outlines in a large, luminescent ball. They saw the picture of my extremely pale facade on a camera and laughed saying, “What’s that?” When I went back, Thoth was there. He had no pants or underwear on and pounced on a woman! Wanting to join in, I bit his ass. Then I woke up. Yikes.
Today, I’ve had two things I’ve not had in so long, a smoothie and a grilled cheese. I made a smoothie for Thoth, too. Delicious! Vincente has a wonderful little device that mashes up food very well that’s much cleaner then a blender and a little presser you can toast bread in. My grandmother had one of them, too. I would love to go back to the tunnel and prayform. I doubt we will be prayforming this summer unless we go back. I’m not sure that is our path.
I am remembering things strongly. Having a horrible, weeping, emotional breakdown alone in my room after a month in New York trying to survive theatre school. The joy of first seeing Thoth. The freedom of dancing with him; running down the stairs, falling on the floor, moving my body to the music, him singing to me. When he did Caguma for me. Innocently falling in love with him, listening to his music, dreaming about him. Going to the tunnel as much as I could, even when he wasn’t there. The safe, warm feeling of his home and singing with him over the winter. Being so shy. Susana sitting on the bed speaking to someone on the phone in Spanish. Wondering if she felt left out. Making strawberry cupcakes with him. When I was first began prayforming with him and mentioning passively he never says he loves me but he turned to me and looked me in the eyes and said “…but I do love you.” When my sister came to New York last summer and sat in the tunnel with us. The excitement of our first walk about. Getting arrested with him and being so scared and brave. Looking through the bars of the holding sell where Thoth sat in the lotus position crouched like a caged tiger. Tickling him in the tunnel. Feelings of anticipation. Dancing with Oyen. The beautiful sight of my father listening to us with his eyes closed sitting on the footdrum. Sitting beside Thoth for hours and soaking up every word. Weeping because Thoth told me he can’t prayform with me anymore and wanted me to go home because he didn’t want to loose Susana. Sitting on the steps thinking I’d never see the tunnel again and Thoth saying, “Don’t let this scare you, but we could commit suicide together.” Walking to the subway saying we both want to die. Talking at the subway and the next day him sending me an email forgiving me. Celebrating my one-year anniversary at the Boat House with Dan, his brother and Rodney. So many beautiful people coming to the tunnel to say goodbye to us and a gorgeous redhead woman giving Thoth a handmade shoulder bag with an antler clasp that he had to leave behind.
Every day is a blessing to be with Thoth. Every time he touches me it is a gift. I am happy when he is silly with me or I can kiss him. To have my teacher and someone I love with me all the time is very special. What we will do next is a mystery to me. Amazing how quickly everything happened. Within a year and a month, he left everything behind to go to Europe with me. I love loving Thoth. He’s so playful with me. I want to prayform so badly. We would be so happy if we could prayform.
Categories: Uncategorized
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4.3.2010
“Death” does not necessarily mean the end of a life, it is another chance, a new perspective, and growth. Traveling and playing with Thoth has given me knowledge and insight I could not have learned in school. This trip has helped me grow up. My sister will be surprised when she sees me because I am not the person I was last year when she was with me in New York. Traveling gives you a different perspective, compassion for others, patience, faith, and pride for getting through the hard times. I feel stronger for surviving this.
We’re back in Barcelona. This trip has been hard! I had a bad dream this morning. I had to leave Thoth and go home. When I got to my house, no one was there and I was crying but I couldn’t make sound. I heard someone come in the house and I went to see who it was, I though I saw my sister but I wasn’t sure. I tried to call for her but I couldn’t speak. When I woke up, I started crying and Thoth reached for me to pet me and held me. He has been very sweet to me. He got plastered after having beer for the first time in 1 1/2 months and was fooling around with me. I love when he’s so silly. Being at Vicente’s house is comforting but I don’t know what we’re doing next. We could go back to New York, but we’d have nowhere to live and we couldn’t make enough money for both of us to survive on prayformance. We’d need help from others. Thoth said we could just go to the tunnel and see what happens. I miss smoothies and green salads. When we made cup cakes last night, we found a device that can crush fruit so I’m going to get some fruit at the Mercat today.
Categories: Uncategorized
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13.2.2010
Two weeks until my 22nd birthday. I’ll celebrate it in Morocco. Circumstances have turned around for us, I am at peace and happy. We have plenty of money and are being given too much food to eat. Talk about a change! Just last week we were going hungry and almost on the street. Thoth and I are talking a lot, which I love. We have a restaurant to play every day, whenever we want, people love us, treat us well, feed us, and we make great tips. I think “The Scottish Song” is the most beautiful of our pieces. I hope we can record it someday. I truly feel safe for the first time in this whole trip, the worst is over and we can do this. The man that I adore is back, the man who is always laughing, giggling, talking to everyone, and spouting philosophy and music. We are creating together like we wanted to and I am becoming inspired and starting to write again. We are pulling away from the difficult things that began this trip.
My grandfather on my mother’s side died two days ago. I was sad not to be at the funeral. I’ve received much malicious energy from my family. They think Thoth is taking advantage of me and using me, which he has not done at all. I think people are psychically feeling me pulling away from them. We survived the most frightening experience I’ve ever lived through; no money, no hope, no signs, starving to death and sleeping on the street. During that time my family tried hard to make me come home when persuading me might have been easy to do so. Now that we are on the up swing, convincing me to come home will be harder so they are lashing out at us. I am actually willing to give up whatever is necessary in order to do this beautiful work. I believe that in the future everything will be turned around somehow and both Thoth’s and my family’s feelings will change towards us.
Categories: Personal Observations
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12.2.2010
I have never had sexual intercourse with Thoth and I never will. Everyone in my family and his thinks we have. Sex would be a disservice to our work together. I make love to him with my voice and that is an unbelievable experience. Since I am a 21-year-old, I have a high erotic drive. Thoth’s work was so erotic without me, but with me became even more so. His prayformance was as if he was making love because of how passionate his music is. The balance of male and female energy in prayformance was destiny. BALANCE I am Thoth’s tantric goddess, a virgin, and my desire will never be fulfilled. Our music is unquenchable, full of passion and longing. If we had sex then that desire would be fulfilled and the music would diminish. As human beings the way we express love is through touch. Thoth and I can touch and caress with our voices. To look into a loved ones eyes and sing to them is incredible. For a man Thoth’s age to have a young virgin with him has given him renewed life — mythic.
Categories: Personal Observations
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24.1.2010
Trapped in Perpignan all night, a town close to the border of Spain, we were forced to sleep on the streets for the third time. The night was frightening and cold. Thoth seemed to have no hope left. We arrived safely in Barcelona the next day. Vincente welcomed us into his house with open arms, fed us, and we slept until evening. The next day we were lucky to be able to perform in our favorite spot, Casas, a shoe store with amazing acoustics. We were fed by some friends and then took the night train to Malaga. The chairs were so uncomfortable we were forced to camp out on the floor to get some shut eye. Once in Malaga, we were forced to pay 8 euros for the short trip to Bobadillo. We spent 5 hours in the train station at Bobadillo and Thoth played. The trains took all day to get us to Algeciras where we spent a rainy night in a cheap hotel. The ferry to Africa the next day was disturbing to me because of the amount of people who got sick. In Algeciras we were approached by a tour guide who was very pushy. He said the train station would be closed so we should hang around for a while. He tried to lead us to a place to leave our bags but I felt uncomfortable so I asked him to go. We took a taxi and the station was not closed so we bought tickets for a night train to Marrakech. We played all day in the station because the acoustics were so lovely. That night on the train Thoth and I had an inspiring talk.
Categories: Travel Journal
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11.1.2010
We arrived in Athens on Monday afternoon and were amazed how ugly it was. I saw a hotel close to the train station. I went to look but they charged 45 euros a night. We dragged our suitcases up a steep hill looking for other lodging but couldn’t find anything less then that so we went back. The lady at the desk was very kind and said she would do a discount for us if we stayed 7 days. We went searching for a place to play and found several resonant walkways on a pedestrian street. We did well so we decided to stay the week. We found a beautiful stage at the Acroplis I enjoyed playing at. It has a mythic feeling and people were drawn there by our voices. The food was horrible but inexpensive. During the last two days of our stay we were invited to people’s houses. The first was a free thinking American woman and her Greek husband. They treated us to some Greek apatizers and let their pet pigion sit on my shoulder. They lightened up the darkness of the city for us. The next day a woman approached us during prayformance and invited us to her house for tea. The house had dark energy and I became afraid. We felt she might be a witch. She asked us to read tarot for her and she was very distressed when the cards came up badly. I felt she must be in debt. She asked to do the reading again and it came out very good.
We survived a week in the dreary city, paid our rent, and took the long trip back to Barcelona.
Categories: Travel Journal
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9.1.2010
We took the trains all day and night on Thursday through Italy and arrived in Brindisi at 8 am. We dragged our bags to the ferry but we couldn’t get tickets until 4 pm. We walked around town looking for bread. I found a bakery and left the suitcases with Thoth on a bench. When I came back he had finished playing and people were giving him money. We decided to stay for the weekend. An energetic woman brought us sweets from the bakery and pointed us in the direction of a hotel. Our room was homey and had a huge bed for only 30 euros a night. We prayformed both Friday and Saturday.
On Saturday morning we sat on a bench for 3 hours and played. That was hard. I don’t like playing for money. I’m used to prayforming for 3 hours but I do that for the joy of singing, not for money. We took a break and went out again in the evening. I was not in the mood at first but the prayformance ended up being brilliant. We set up in an alley off the main pedestrian street and many people gathered even before we started. There were many interesting people to sing to. All of the interactions energized us to dance and sing as we have not done for a long time. A group of young kids gathered around us and asked us questions in Italian. They were very pushy and one tried to pick up my spirit catcher without asking. That annoyed me. The older of the bunch poked his head out and asked “Are you a witch?”. I was so angry I was trembling while Thoth sang “Mama”. Then I exploded for the seven rhythm. People were laughing at him. We had a lovely italian dinner on the money we made.
On Sunday we packed our bags and headed to the ferry. There were so many people on the street that we almost decided to stay another night but we couldn’t refund our tickets. After we took off, Thoth wandered to the upper deck with his violin. I went up and found him playing for two boys from Oregon. I walked over to look at the water lapping against the ship when I heard him call “Young lady.” I walked over and he began playing the Scottish Song. People gathered around us to listen. After bumping along on the ocean for several hours I was sea sick but Thoth wasn’t affected. He took out his violin again and strung on his bells and played in the middle of the staircase to the gawking stares of the passengers. Everyone clapped and hooted to the sounds of his rhythms. He wore all black and my little black hat that makes him look Russian. We walked back to our seats but everyone was gathered around us so we sang the Scottish Song again. Thoth sat down, exhausted as I changed into my bells, pink skirt and headdress. I took out my violin and played my solo then we performed a few scenes together. The Tango was very hot and exciting.
Categories: Travel Journal
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4.1.2010
Thoth and I had a lovely last few days in Barcelona playing music fearlessly in the streets, despite the cops. Now it is time to move on. We said good bye to the friends and took the local trains all day to Nice, France on the way to Greece. The scenery was breathtaking and Thoth read me The Box Lady from a book of short stories he wrote called Ruby and the Tree House. We’re excited but very tired. We’ll play tomorrow and see how Nice treats. I hope nicely!
We had a difficult time in Nice. Thoth almost said we we were going to turn around and go home. People thought we were homeless. There was rain all day when we went out to play on Tuesday but we met Alex and David, an English speaking homeless couple. They were helpful and told us of better places to play. Wednesday was better because we had a full prayformance in a safe space and sold CD’s. I don’t like the snobby French very much. I felt looked down upon.
Categories: Travel Journal
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11.12.2009
We got our instruments back on Wednesday for 188 euros a piece. We went to Tarrgona yesterday, which is an hour away from here by train, to do a walkabout. We were on edge about the police so it took me a while to get into it. I ended up having fun but we ended up getting stuck, again. The last train leaving for Barcelona was express and we had regional tickets so the conductor wouldn’t let us on. People are so uncaring. We found a good place to eat and stayed until 2 am, trying to staying out of the cold. We walked around the city until the train station opened again at 4:30 am. It was cold, but not at chilly as Paris. Our train left at 5:52 and we went to sleep at 7:30 and slept until 1:30 pm. We got dressed up this afternoon and had a nice walk to the Mercat. I had a lemon and pineapple smoothie and we had fruit salad. A couple from Finland took our pictures and invited us to stay with them when it gets warmer. That is if we survive.
Thoth said I’m his anchor because nothing phases me and I’m always excited.
Categories: Travel Journal
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3.12.2009
The day after we got settled at Vicente’s we did another walk about. We thought that if we were mobile the police wouldn’t bother us. We performed in our usual order, Anya in a certain spot and then started Romanza heading towards the Ramblas. People watching us had no idea what to do when they see two people singing and dancing through the streets playing violins.
What happened next was unbelievable.
Once we got to close to the Rambla and we singing our hearts out, the police saw us. We tried to run away singing but they ran after us. They took us to the police station and robbed us of our instruments and bells, saying we’d have to pay to get them back. What has the world come to? How dare they do this? How can they do this? Now we have to wait a week to get our instruments back and probably pay 200 euros A PIECE to get them back! We’re trapped in Barcelona with no way to make money. We need help!
Categories: Travel Journal
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