Speak Lila'Angelique

3.8.2010

Our friend Dan Rubin had a photo of me in a local gallery in New York.

2.8.2010

Paulo picked us up and drove us to Carla’s house. Then we went out to get a chicken for lunch. This town reminds me of Brookhaven Mississippi and I love it. Carla took us and her two children, Hugo and Iris, to the beach. The dunes were huge as were the waves. A yellow flag was up and Carla said, “That means you need to be careful in the water.” At first, the waves looked beautiful and exciting and I ran in as soon as I could but once it hit me, I was horrified. I went into the water a little more and the waves started hitting me and dragging me under and I couldn’t pull myself out. I started to panic because I couldn’t see and I couldn’t breathe. Thank god I didn’t start breathing the water. I screamed for help but no one came for me, they thought I was having fun. Thoth was way out in the water and had to swim back to the shore to get me. I don’t think I would of gotten out if he didn’t get me. If someone didn’t come to get me or if I started drinking water, I might of died. It is amazing to see how easily life can be taken from you. When I told my mother, she cried and thanked Thoth saying, “You are a wonderful person.”

1.8.2010

Today we went to the zoo. At first I didn’t want to go but we ended up having a nice time. The cimps were my favorites. I made faces at one and he hit the glass at me. He would probably hit my face if there was no glass. He looked so human, his eyes, his gestures. Amazing. One of the big cats was horny and making noises and the male was hissing and growling at her. They seemed to follow us when we moved. A cheetah sat directly in front of me. Everyone was feeding the animals even though it’s not allowed. Animals are amazing and people don’t respect them as much as they should. I felt like all the animals were feeling our safe loving energy and wanted to be near us. I had a lemon Fanta for the first time in months. We got a whole chicken for dinner and ate it on the floor. Tomorrow we’re going to Carla’s house. Goodbye Lisbon!

Also check out Thoth in Chiado, a video of us performing at 56 58 60 in HD.

31.7.2010

I went to the mall today and had Pizza Hut for lunch as a treat.

Tonight we had a lovely performance. Large crowds and receptive applause helps energize me.  Afterwards, a woman knelt and asked my age. “22.” I said. “How old do I look?”

“You don’t look any age, you look ageless. I am speechless. You are so beautiful. Your voice is unreal, like it’s too good to be true. Like I’m dreaming. And you really are an angel.”

I love heartfelt compliments. It’s much better then bragging. I used to brag all the time but now I don’t talk about my gifts, I just sing. It takes more time and more work but in the end it’s worth it. Bragging is driven by selfishness and egoism, a compliment from a complete stranger is driven by love and gratefulness. I truly feel like I’m doing a good deed when I sing in public.

30.7.2010

We are going to our friend Carla’s house on Sunday the other side the river to stay until we go to Amsterdam. Even though our CD’s came, we don’t make enough money at the new place we perform. Tonight, people were stopping us in the street and talking to us like we were famous. Thoth has always experienced that people start caring once he is leaving. It’s an odd phenomenon. We stopped at a pastry shop we have passed every day on the way to 56 58 60 and talked to the people who work there, a group of young people caught up with us on our way home and asked if we were about to play, a young woman who’s twin saw us in New York bought a CD from us on the street, and a woman gave me a rose and asked us to play so we sang “Scottish Song” in front of the pensao. Now that we’re about to leave, people are starting to care. And they don’t even know we’re leaving.

We’ll miss Lisbon. I’ll miss steak and french fries at the Brasserie, ceaser salads at Sacramento, sushi at Nood, Pensao Atalia, the noisy drunken party on Barrio Alto and all the nice people we’ve met. I hope things just get better and better.

21.7.2010

Let me tell you something, you think the government cares about you? Well get it out of your head. It is a lie. You Americans today are convinced that people above you in positions of government care about you and make decisions with your best interest. Wrong! Just look at the people around you, people that push you, shove you, flick you off, talk behind your back. They are uncaring fucks and they don’t even have power, they are just trying to survive. Since no one cares about them, they don’t care about anyone else.. Think about the people above you in government, people running huge corporations with so much money all of Africa could live off their yearly salaries, and do you think they are DIFFERENT? They are just like you, selfish, greedy, and a billion times more lethal because they have all the power and money and, just like us, are only thinking of themselves. Don’t fool yourself. Money is in place to control people. All the laws and things that are supposed to protect the American people are only in place to CONTROL and to keep money coming in to the people in power. To keep you in line, to keep you in control, to give you no power. So you do your jobs but I can bet every person working in the system knows what’s going on. But you say “What can I do if I have no control.” Your only ability is to THINK FOR YOURSELF. Question everything, be caring, be generous, be giving. Live your life as you wish, but don’t step over everyone in order to do it. Just because toy see everyone stepping over everyone else doesn’t mean you have to do it too. That is why I am doing this, despite how hard it is, despite how impossible it seems, I want to SHOW people it is possible to live life in a loving way. I want to show people that you don’t have to  be a slave for the system. Take small steps. Help someone. Don’t just fall into the mold, BREAK OUT OF IT!

“We are all born to be angels.”

2.7.2010

Thoth is romantic when we perform.  He loves me because we sing together. I hope we inspire people. I think we do. I want a band! A drummer and a bassist for starters. Anyone interested?

A man asked me “Are you very famous?” while I was sitting on the stoop of 56 58 60 resting. Many people were curious what I was doing and gathered around photographing me. I felt famous. I want to be famous! I feel I deserve it. So many people are intrigued by the way we look and how our music sounds. I see so many possibilities for us, despite that sometimes I feel nothing will happen.  I’m humbler then I’ve ever been in my life, Thoth has taught me well. I want to make music with everyone, I want people to dance and sing with us, I want people to love and respect us.

The best indoor performance we’ve had was in Oporto where we sang in a stairwell. Everyone gathered and listened with rapt attention. Then we sang downstairs for a bunch of kids who were irish dancing to a DJ. They all sat down and watched us perform the “Gypsy Dance.” and cheered and whistled when we finished. I felt like a celebrity.

One dream  have is to sing for people who are making love. I want to be with people who are creative like us and perform in sacred spaces. I would love to go to Asia and Australia. I really want to go to the Oregon County Fair and perform. We could meet a lot of people there. Thoth was there 10 years ago with his band. I found a picture of him. He looks so young! He looks much wiser now. I also found a video of Thoth in Central Park April 2000. He was 47. I was 13.

I am happy just to be with Thoth but he gets discouraged a lot. His mother is giving him a really hard time and sends him very cruel emails sometimes. They hurt him so much. I love when he tickles me and squeezes me. I love when we snuggle and I love our intimacy, though it’s not so much his thing. I like being close to someone I love.

Mom says life is disappointing. I don’t want to look back on my life and say that.

We’re going to a hotel in Madeira, an island of Portugal, on the 15th for a performance and all-inclusive vacation for 5 days. I’m looking forward to that.

I am blessed. I try every day to remember how blessed I am. I am young, I have a brilliant teacher and friend and am traveling the world.

Love. LA